Six months in the death of
by jibber59
Summary: Two terrible days, six months apart, and what they dealt with in between. (Rating is for primarily due to some of language used by our boys)
1. Chapter 1

_NOTE: 1) As I've mention on past stories my medical knowledge is from movies, TV and Google. Many liberties are being taken here, and I would venture to guess very little of what I describe more than faintly represents reality. That's why they call it fiction folks._

 _2) My stories have no connective timeline (as most of you have probably figured out). My mind jumps around far too much to be considered in any way orderly. What happened in previous stories has no bearing on any other adventures, unless I identify them as sequels. Sorry to those of you who may have been puzzled by inconsistencies._

He sat in the car, looking up at the oppressive yet non-descript building in front of him. It really should be a nicer looking place. It wasn't just that people worked here. People lived here, and no home, however formal it may be, should be so void of personality. He reluctantly stepped down from the cab of the truck, slamming to door behind him as if it somehow was to blame for today.

The glass doors parted before him, quietly wafting closed after he had passed. To his ear, it sounded like the slamming of a cell door. This was no less restrictive an institution, and the sentence every bit as permanent. Even more so, as there were no appeals available here. He nodded to the receptionist as he signed the registry. Looking up the page he was not surprised that he was the last to arrive. Signatures from Buck Wilmington and JD Dunne had back to back placement, showing, as expected, they had arrived together. Nathan appeared to have arrived only moments ago. Josiah arrived earlier as well. Vin, again, no surprise, had been here first. He always was. There were few days that he didn't stop in first thing in the morning, as well as coming by for dinner or an evening visit whenever he could, and he'd been there almost 24/7 for the last two weeks.

Chris Larabee walked past the elevators, wanting to both burn off a bit of the nervous energy he felt and delay the inevitable just a few minutes longer. A few moments later he opened the stairwell door on the 4th floor and quietly walked down the hall. He avoided looking into the other rooms, trying to keep the illusion even if only for a few extra seconds, that this was simply a routine visit to a friend. The illusion died as he walked into Ezra's room.

Four heads turned in reaction to his arrival. They were spread around the room, all close to the bed, but only one actually beside it. Vin Tanner sat in the chair close to Ezra's head, speaking softly. He alone failed to react to Chris's entrance. Josiah pushed himself off the wall he'd been leaning on and walked toward the final arrival. It wasn't until the two men stood side by side that Sanchez realized he had no idea what to say. Chris smiled sadly at him, acknowledging the emotional strain, then moved closer to the bed.

"Vin?"

"Really Chris – you can't even be bothered to say hello to our host first?" The bitterness was clear in his voice. "Seems like it's the least you could do."

"Vin, don't make this worse than it is. None of us want to be here."

"Yeah – I know. Bein' here is something you've avoided as much as possible lately."

Buck started to responded, but Chris silenced him with a look. "You know that's not what I meant." He watched as the fight seemed to drain from his friend.

"I know Chris – I'm sorry." The voice was barely a whisper. "It's just – this ain't right. It doesn't feel right." Chris moved forward to reach the bed and pulled up a chair to sit opposite Vin.

"You're not wrong there. Nothing about this has been right from the start. He shouldn't be here. None of us should have to be here with him now, not like this."

"It's not time Chris. Still too early in the day."

"Your gonna play this down to the last letter of the law, aren't you?"

"We made the promise to each other. Six months. It's not time yet." Vin sat back in the chair, closing his eyes for a moment. "Not yet."

Chris settled in his seat as well. "No, not quite yet."

He stared out the window, allowing his mind to slip back to that day just six months ago. They hadn't even been working. A weekend off after a couple of grueling back to back cases. Time planned at the ranch. An afternoon in the saddle. Steaks on the barbecue. An evening of cards and company.

Knowing what they would likely have to drink if he didn't make the appropriate effort, Ezra was stopping for 'proper libations' on his way out of town. Buck and JD saw him turn into the liquor store as they drove a few blocks further to load up on snacks and beer. Ten minutes later they heard sirens in the distance, drawing closer. When the sound stopped nearby, both men knew instinctively where they needed to be. Arriving at the scene they found two police cars were on site, with medical vans pulling into the lot alongside.

After flashing their ATF badges, they were directed to the officer who appeared to be in charge. A robbery gone wrong – now a hostage situation. The wife of the liquor store owner managed to call from the storeroom, where she was hiding. Two kids, either high or strung out, were hold 5 people at gunpoint. The clerk had triggered the alarm, and been shot for his actions. One of the customers was trying to talk them into surrendering, but so far was having no luck.

"That would be our man." Buck told them with certainty. "If anybody can talk them down, it'll be him. Could talk candy away from a kid." Wilmington had barely gotten the words out of his mouth when shots were heard from inside, followed by screams. Whatever strategies might have been under consideration disappeared as law enforcement stormed the building. Three more shots were fired, all by cops, killing one of the gunman. Moving in, there were three more bodies on the ground. The wounded clerk was trying to sit up, trying to determine what had happened. The other gunman was on his back, eyes open but seeing nothing. And Ezra Standish was next to him, his white shirt now blood red, gasping for breath that wouldn't come. His team mates tried to get close, but were pulled aside by rescue workers. The flurry of activity ended rapidly with Ezra being loaded into an ambulance and taken away to a nearby hospital before Buck and JD had fully grasped what was happening. What they had heard as the door closed chilled them through. "Code Blue – no pulse."

Buck was behind the wheel of his car, almost pulling away before JD had the chance to join him. The younger agent looked anxiously ahead at the ambulance fading into the distance as he pulled out his cell phone, hitting speed dial for Chris.

"Told you JD, I don't care what kind of junk food you bring with you – just so long as you bring enough."

"Chris."

The tone was all he needed to know there was trouble. "What happened to Buck?"

"Not Buck – Ezra. A robbery. Chris…" he looked to Buck, who gave a small nod, "I don't – we don't think he's gonna make it."

Several seconds passed before Chris was able to take a breath. "Where're they taking him?"

"University Hospital."

"On our way." Chris hung up and turned to the others. Josiah and Nathan had heard the tone and knew it was a bad day. "How bad is Buck hurt?"

"He's not – Ezra's been shot. Robbery. Josiah, call PD and find out what happened. I'll let Vin know to meet us at University."

Nathan reached for his own cell and dialed his fiancé, an ER resident at the hospital. She knew what the call was about as she answered. "He was just brought in Nathan – Dr. Sanders is with him – he's the best." She hesitated briefly. "Nathan – you guys should hurry." He disconnected, looking at the phone, not wanting to make eye contact with the others.

"Tell us Nathan." Josiah's voice was tense. Chris looked up from his own phone. He'd only been able to get Vin's voicemail, and this was not news he wanted the agent to hear that way.

"Chris, we need to go – now." Chris looked down at his phone again. "Leave Vin a message that Ezra got hurt – you don't have to tell him how bad until we know more." Chris nodded numbly, his mind somehow not making the connection between what he needed to do, and how to do it. Nathan made the call as they headed out.

Vin's phone vibrated again. "Damn it Ezra – stop calling me" he thought. He knew the suave agent was likely still a bit ticked at him for refusing to drive out to the ranch together. But Vin had wanted to have his car on hand, hoping to skip out on Sunday evening for some time to himself. He loved spending time with the others, but there were times it was just a bit too much togetherness for the loner. If anyone should have understood, it should have been Standish. But he had been unusually insistent on wanting to carpool this weekend. When pressed, he couldn't give a reason why, and Vin finally persuaded him to drop the idea. Then this morning, Ezra had called again, making sure there had been no change of heart. On getting the expected, but unwanted response, Ezra had finally conceded, and in a conciliatory gesture for his harassment, asked Vin is he had a liquor preference for the evening.

"I'm sure whatever you bring will be fine Ezra. You've got a knack for picking the good stuff."

"Not a 'knack' sir. A skill developed over years of study and contemplation."

"Call it whatever you want Pard – you know your booze."

Now he was convinced that the three calls in the last 10 minutes were Ezra following up on his purchasing plan. On the plus side, he knew that even though he was running late, he wouldn't be the last to the ranch if Ezra was still shopping. When the phone buzzed a fourth time, he pulled over. His old jeep wasn't equipped with any hands-free technology, despite JD's frequent offers to set him up. The car was his island of tech-free tranquility, and he would do his damnedest to keep it that way. The call had gone to voice mail, and bringing it up on the screen he was surprised to see the first three messages showing as C. Larabee, with the last from N. Jackson. A pit formed in his stomach instantly. He checked Nathan's first.

"Vin, you need to meet us at University Hospital. Ezra's got himself in a bit of trouble, and – well, we don't know too much more than that. Just haul your butt over there when you get this."

Thirty minutes later he barged through the emergency entrance doors. A quick scan of the room told him the others weren't there, meaning they were either with Standish, giving him a hard time about ruining their weekend, or with the hospital staff, likely giving them a much harder time. He headed to the admission desk. "I'm looking for information on Ezra Standish." He reached for his ATF ID, knowing official standing would get him answers faster. Before he could retrieve it he heard Josiah's voice.

"Vin – come with me." He turned and the pit in his stomach suddenly reached down to his boots. One look at Josiah told him more than he wanted to know.

"He's dead." Half fearful question, half resigned statement.

"No. He's in surgery. And we don't know yet exactly what happened. There's someone from PD coming down to fill us in soon."

They'd reached the surgical waiting area, and Vin saw the others sitting quietly – far too quietly for this bunch. He went to where Buck and JD sat.

"You were with him, weren't you? He said you guys were driving up in tandem."

"He stopped for booze. Store got robbed – he got shot. We were off buying god damned potato chips." Buck growled out the words. JD looked to shocked to speak.

Vin looked around as if he could find answers somewhere in the room. His gaze settled on Nathan. "What did Raine tell you?" He knew the man would have spoken to his fiancé. "Nathan – what did she say."

"He was hit 4 times in the chest, point blank. There's a head injury too, likely from hitting something when he fell, or maybe just the ground." He took a sip of bad coffee to hydrate his dry mouth. He hadn't told the others the rest of the story yet, not wanting to have to say it more than once.

"He's was in cardiac arrest when they loaded him in the ambulance. Got him going again but took some time. And he coded again in the ER."

Curses filled the room, along with a mumbling of prayer coming from Josiah.

Silence took over when the door opened again. Breathing resumed when they saw it two men, clearly not doctors, enter. A uniformed officer, and likely a detective. The newcomers scanned the room, and Chris saved them the trouble of guessing who to speak to.

"You know what happened to our man?" he asked. The detective nodded. "Well?"

"Perps were high – you'd have to be to rob a liquor store 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning. Witnesses are telling us one of the gunman got antsy- heard the sirens and freaked out. He grabbed a customer –a woman and pulled her in front to use as a shield. Your man seemed to think that was a bad idea, and made it known. The guy turned his gun on him, giving your guy the opportunity to pull the woman away and step between her and the shooter. Wrestled him for the gun and it looks like the punk just kept pulling the trigger. As some point it got turned on him, and a shot went through his head. The other bastard got a couple of shots off before our guys took him out when they stormed the place. Didn't hit anybody."

There was silence for a few moments as each man played the scene in his mind. Buck found his voice first. "The woman – she OK? Ezra will want to know when he wakes up."

"She's in emergency now to be checked over, but it all looks good." He looked at the anxious faces surrounding him. "We're not gonna stay – this is your time. But I thought you'd want to know what happened. And, not that it's enough, but you man is going to be nominated for a medal of valour. If he doesn't get it, someone will be answering to me, and my men." He reached out and shook Chris's hand. "Everyone of us is praying for him – hell, the whole town will be when this hits the news."

"Keep his name and especially picture away from of the media. He'll want to keep doing his undercover work when he's outta here. Don't want to blow that for him."

They found themselves alone it the room again, with nothing to be said. Each went to his own spot and tried to settle into established routines. It wasn't their first time waiting for word on a colleague, but there was a tension in the air this time that left them all deeply unsettled.

It was little over 3 hours before the doors opened again. Raine came into the room and went over to Nathan, taking his hand. She was accompanied by a weary looking surgeon.

"Sit down gentlemen. First – your friend is alive. He's being moved to ICU. His condition is grave. There was massive trauma to his chest cavity. One bullet damaged his heart, two others punctured his left lung, and the fourth tore the right. They were small caliber, but did a lot of damage. There was also a wound to his lower back, larger caliber. Damaged a kidney, but not critically. He's had several pints of blood transfused. I don't know if you are aware that he had been in cardiac arrest twice before surgery. He has suffered two more such incidents since. I'm sorry if you think I'm being blunt, but frankly there is no way to sugar coat this, and from what Raine tells me, you wouldn't want that anyway."

"That everything?" Buck asked, not certain he wanted the answer.

"No, I'm afraid not. While we were closing he suffered a stroke. On its own, it wouldn't have been considered as severe, but in light of his overall situation…" he left the thought unfinished

"What are his odds Doctor?"

"I'm not a gambler Mr. Larabee."

"Well, he is, and that's the way he'd want to play it. So?"

Dr. Sanders looked away for a moment, trying to figure out the easiest way to say what had to be said. "I'm not going to lie to you. He's extremely weak, and the body can only deal with so much, no matter how strong the will is. The initial cardiac arrests, along with the lung damage, left him oxygen deprived for extended periods. Add the stroke to that and the prognosis is not good. We'll have to do further test to determine how severe the brain damage is, but right now your friend is in a coma. I don't expect him to come out of it."

No one moved for several seconds, not even to breathe. JD's gasp for air seemed to bring them all back to reality, but not at all sure what to say or do. Nathan looked over to Raine, hoping somehow she could refute what had been said. She sighed and sadly rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry Nathan. There was really nothing we could do. It was just so much damage. Even if he'd been right here when it happened, I doubt the outcome would have been different."

Buck had started pacing, working his way around the room. Anger was building, and Josiah saw it coming. Just in time, he reached out to grab his friends hand as he pulled back to punch a vending machine. "Not gonna do anyone any good if you bust yourself up Buck."

"Yeah – well I need to bust something. Bastards who did this are dead, so that can't help."

"Neither would this." He let go of the clenched hand. "Think we've had enough violence for the day – don't you."

"Not as good at turning the other cheek as you are preacher."

Josiah grinned ever so slightly. "Trust me, I'm no better at it. I've learned though, there is a time and place."

Chris brought them back to the moment. "So what's next? What are we supposed to do?"

Dr. Sanders stood. "I'm going to refer you to one of our counsellors. And before you object, and I've been warned you will, let me clarify by saying her job is to help you through the bureaucracy of the process. The emotional matters are not her area, although I would personally recommend you keep that option open as well. I will say you should contact his family, particularly if any of them have a power of attorney for him. Decisions will have to be made."

"I've got that." Vin spoke for the first time. "We've got each other's. Talked about it one night after things got messy on a case, and discovered we had the same opinions on things."

"May I ask what that opinion is?"

"We don't quit."

 **TBC**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	2. Chapter 2

_In the event of my incapacitation_

 _Dear Vin,_

 _I cannot begin to express how profoundly remorseful I am that you are reading this. Not because of what it represents for me, but rather the impact it will have on you. I assure you, this is not a burden I impose lightly. Had we not had our discussion on the matter, I never would have bestowed upon you such an onerous responsibility._

 _For the vast majority of my life, I never dared to envision the day I would have anyone I could call friend. I was not raised in a manner that made it easy, or even possible for me to place my trust in others. Nor did I ever assume anyone would trust me._

 _Now, that has all changed. I have not one friend, but six. Six men who I care about in a manner I never before considered possible._ _ _Six men who I trust with my life._ Six men for whom I would willingly lay down my life.  
_

 _Obviously, I have no knowledge of what occurrence has led to this moment. I can be certain of only three things. It was not old age. This correspondence would be edited long before that time could arrive. Additionally, men such as myself rarely get to see their retirement years. Simply the nature of my character. I have made far too few friends and far too many enemies._

 _Equally, it was not illness. This message would have been destroyed, and other contingencies planned for if I had been diagnosed with a catastrophic malady of some kind. Nathan will attest to the fact I do not make a good patient, and as such, the idea of suffering through a debilitating condition is not a notion I accept._

 _There remains only the assumption that there has been some kind of accident, or more likely, some miscalculation in my work activities that has left me at the mercy of modern medicine. And that is how we have ended up at this point._

 _As I declared, I cannot abide the prospect of protracted infirmity, a slow and likely painful passing. I am not the strong, stoic sort who can cope with that scenario. Worse, I would be compelling others to suffer as I waste away before their eyes. But neither am I a man to give up when there may be the possibility of survival._

 _You see my dilemma. I have given this much consideration, in no small part as a result of our conversation on matters of life and death. My conclusion is simple, at least in theory. The legal documentation is prepared to provide you with the standing you will need. I have been assured it cannot be successfully challenged by anyone, and by anyone I mean of course, mother. My lawyer has directions on how to deal with her._

 _Six months is more than sufficient time to validate whatever prognosis the professionals have ascertained. If I have not recovered by that point, there is no reason to prolong your suffering. As I would be unable to communicate for myself, to express in some way my intention, I trust you to do so on my behalf, in the manner we have discussed._

 _This is my third certainty – that you will make the right decision. You will honour my wishes and respect my beliefs. I know it will not be easy for you, and that is my greatest sorrow. But I also know you would be deeply hurt if I were to deny you the opportunity to prove your friendship to me, just as I would be if the situation were reversed._

 _My final request in all of this is one I cannot enforce, but can only implore you to honour. Do not allow my situation to control your life. I neither expect, nor desire you to put your life on hold while I laze about. Please, move on. Enjoy. Live your life as I would be living mine._

 _With heartfelt appreciation and my deepest gratitude. Your friend, Ezra P. Standish._

Chris looked the letter over a second time before handing it back to Vin. The sharpshooter had left the hospital in the early morning hours to recover the paperwork required by the hospital to take his status as Ezra's representative. He figured the team was going to need to see the letter his friend had written several months earlier. He also had notes that Ezra had left with him for the others.

"You sure you can deal with this – with all of this?" Chris was worried. Vin had already seemed disturbed by what happened. Hell, they all were. But there was something else going on with Vin. Maybe this was it, but Chris couldn't help but feel it went further.

"I know what he wants, and I owe it to him to see it through."

"Owe it to him?"

Vin looked away.

"This isn't your fault." Chris looked at the rest of his team and his gaze settled on Buck and JD and saw for the first time the underlying guilt in their eyes. "This is nobody's fault. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ain't one of you can say you wouldn't have done the same thing he did in his place."

"He shouldn't have been alone." Vin said quietly.

"What – you're supposed to babysit him when he goes shopping? We all supposed to travel in teams now?"

"No Chris, you don't get it. I think he knew something was gonna happen. Not this, not the robbery, but something. He seemed anxious about having me ride with him, but I brushed him off. Wanted some time on my own. If I hadn't…" he let the thought dangle.

"If you hadn't you might both be lying in a hospital bed. Or worse. You're not psychic Vin – you couldn't have known, and there's no reason to assume you could have stopped anything." He turned to Buck and JD. "Same goes for you. There was no need to you to be in there with him. You think he'd want any of you beating yourselves up over this? Blaming yourselves?"

"No," JD mumbled. "But..."

"No Kid – he's right." Buck looked over at the young man. "I know what you're thinking, 'cause I've been thinking the same. But Chris is right. Sometimes shit happens, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Ezra'd be okay knowing that he took one of the bastards out, and saved that woman in the process. That'd make this okay for him."

"She'd like to talk to you Chris. The woman – Mrs. Daniels. Raine let me know. Turns out she 3 months pregnant, so she was kept overnight to monitor things. Everybody is fine." Nathan gave one of the first smiles that had been in the room since all of this started.

"I'd like to see her too." Vin added, looking to Chris for agreement.

"Sure – we'll head down in a little while. Vin – you haven't really answered me. This letter. Ezra's telling you to – well to pull the plug. Can you do that?"

"If I have to – but I won't. He's gonna surprise us all Chris. He always does." He turned away, not willing to meet anyone's scrutiny. With his back to them he added "I'm not in denial guys, I'm just not ready to give up yet."

"Nobody is Vin." Josiah came up behind and laid a hand gently on his shoulder. "We just want you to remember that you're not in this alone. You got 5 brothers standing right behind you through this. Through anything." Vin didn't need to turn around to know they were all nodding their agreement. He could feel the support from where he was.

7

Chris knocked softly on the hospital room door. In response to the "come-in" he and Vin entered.

"Mrs. Daniels? I'm Chris Larabee – this is Vin Tanner. I understand you were asking to see us?"

Her eyes teared up immediately. "Oh my. Yes. You work with Mr. Standish. Please, the nurses won't tell me anything other than that he was hurt. Is he alright? I so want to have a chance to thank him for – everything." She stopped when she saw the look the men gave each other. "Oh no. Oh please God no. He died?"

"No ma'am." Vin was quick to try to reassure her. "He was hurt, and it's bad, but he's a real fighter."

"If it hadn't been for your friend though…" she stopped as her voice began to crack again. "My goodness, I can't seem to keep myself together here."

"You've had a pretty stressful 24 hours. I think you're allowed to be a bit frazzled." Chris felt awkward with her, not really knowing what to say.

"Could you tell me please – Mr. Standish's first name?" The men looked puzzled for a moment, then Vin caught on. He fought to keep the smile off his face, anticipating what the reaction that would likely come from the mother-to-be.

"You know it's going to be a boy?"

"Not for certain, but I have a feeling."

"Ezra."

Her face froze. "Really? Ezra? How – distinct. Ezra Daniels."

Chris saw no reason for the woman to suffer. "You know, I remember having a talk with him one time when he said if he ever had a son he'd name him just about anything he could think of before saddling him with Ezra for a name. Said it was cruel and unusual punishment."

"But, I want to – I want my son to know, to always remember."

Vin had a thought. "You know, Ezra never really had much chance to get to know his dad, but he always had real good memories of him. Talks about him a lot. Jacob. His dad's name was Jacob."

She looked up at the men. "What a coincidence," she grinned. "That's what I am going to be naming my son. Please tell Mr. Standish I expect him to be recovered sufficiently to attend the christening of Jacob Ezra Daniels when the time comes."

"We'll be sure to let him know." They left the room, smiling.

"Vin – I don't think I have ever heard Ezra talk much about his father."

"Nah – me neither. But what he has said, and what he hasn't, makes me think he'd approve of the name."

"Think you're right on that one. Hope she's right about the baby, 'cause if it's a girl –"

"Yeah, we'll have to come up with something other than Maude as an option." Vin chuckled softly.

 **TBC**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	3. Chapter 3

Nine days later Ezra was moved to the long term care facility. Josiah and JD had spent a few hours at his apartment finding items that would make the place feel more like home. Josiah sorted through music and called Buck to buy a proper portable unit for the room, when they determined Ezra's elaborate stereo simply couldn't be transferred to the small room. JD collected books that they could read for him, vowing to himself to find more recorded writings his friend could listen to if he had to be alone.

They all took the day off to be there when he settled in. The room looked as close to cheery as was possible. In addition to his own things, the space had been decorated with something from each member of the team to keep them with him at all times. Vin hung a dream catcher in the window, JD put his old derby hat had on top of the dresser, sitting next to a cowboy hat Buck left there. Chris had brought a painting of the ranch that Ezra had painted for him, and hung it where it would be one of the first things he saw if he woke up. The most colourful addition was a sarape Josiah draped over the foot of the bed. Nathan had a difficult time determining what he could add that would make his presence felt, finally settling on an old fashioned banker's lamp that had been left to him. Ezra had long admired the traditional feel of the item, and Nathan hoped it would have brought a smile to his face to see it there.

Vin was worried Ezra would be confused waking up alone in a strange room, and wouldn't handle that kind of stress well. As much as the others realized this was an unlikely scenario, no one had the heart to voice that fear yet. So a schedule was made up to ensure he was never on his own. In addition to the team a number of friends agreed to visit when work commitments limited the lawmen.

It didn't take long for the strain to begin to show. It wasn't the time they spent with Ezra. None of them begrudged a moment of that. It was the futility of it all. It became of viscous storm of self-recrimination. They blamed themselves for getting depressed over the lack of improvement. They knew they were giving up, and blamed themselves for that too. And while Vin, Josiah and JD held onto hope, the others alternated between guilt over not believing, and anger at the optimists for false expectations.

Nathan had just a little too much medical knowledge to allow himself to believe this could end anyway but badly. The night Raine confirmed his fears she had then comforted him as he spent hours crying over the loss of a man he never expected to call a friend. They'd had too many differences when the southerner joined the team. The devil-may-care attitude the undercover agent seemed to approach everything with was sharp contrast to the sober, principled approach to life that Nathan had always had. It took some time before he discovered that most of what Ezra did was an act. A front to hide a very solitary, private man. He wondered now why he hadn't taken the time to find out a little more about the real Ezra Standish. The man behind the fancy clothing, excessive vocabulary and easy charm. The man who gave his life saving another. Nathan deeply regretted his early dismissal of the complex charmer.

Buck wanted to believe. He wanted to hold onto the idea of someday again playing poker and going riding with the always entertaining man. Listening to stories of his youth, of his past undercover work and just of his life in general, and trying to determine how much was exaggeration, and how much was the real deal. All he knew for certain was that every time he'd challenged any story, Ezra had been able to prove its truth. The man's life could have filled volumes. But as much as he wanted to believe, for everyone's sake, he was not a fool. He didn't understand most of what the doctor had told them, even after Nathan translated, but he knew the look of hopelessness when he saw it. And he saw it clearly from both the Doctor and Nathan.

Chris had never permitted himself to have hope. He'd seen too much tragedy and misery to pretend there could be a happily ever after. For the sake of the others, he'd gone along with the program at the beginning. Vin had made a commitment to stick by Ezra, and the team in turn committed to help him do so. But it was becoming too much. They were fraying at the edges, and it was only a matter of time before the tearing became significant. He looked at the leave request forms on his desk. Adjustments to everyone's schedule to accommodate the visitations. This couldn't go on much longer.

The higher ups at ATF had taken notice. The team was not producing. Cases had been transferred to the teams, and for the moment, Team 7 was doing little more than processing paperwork and filling time. They needed to go back to the field, back to what they did best. The question was, were they able to? It wasn't just a matter of being a man down. It was the focus, the cohesiveness that was gone. Theirs was not a job that allowed for errors. A slip, an oversight, a misjudgement could cost lives. That was not an option. Chris was called to a meeting with the director, with the options laid out. Counseling, for the whole team, to find out if they could get past this. If they chose not to attend, they would be either reassigned to another team, or put on 3 weeks leave to come to terms with the new reality. After that, it was conform, or resign.

He looked again at the leave forms, wrote denied on each and sent message out to the team that they were all to be there the next morning at 9:00. No exceptions.

The reactions were immediate when Chris passed along the news. Josiah announced his retirement, and began preparing the paperwork. It wasn't the ultimatum, or at least not only the ultimatum. He was having trouble accepting what had happened, trouble dealing with the justification of such a punishment in response to a noble act. And he knew that without his belief in a just world, he was not going to be able to serve his friends or his job in the manner deserved. He agreed to stick around for a couple of weeks to help get the paperwork on his files done, but could not be convinced to change his mind.

Buck, JD and Nathan all voiced their displeasure with the new status, some a little more vocally than others. They did concede however, that it really was the only practical option in the long run, and more importantly it is what Ezra would want.

Vin was far less willing to capitulate. He gave Chris his own ultimatum. 6 months leave, or his resignation would be on the desk by the end of the day. There were several moments of silence in the room as the two men stared each other down. Then, almost as if it had been orchestrated, both backed down at the same time.

"Got to be a way to make this work Vin. Ezra wouldn't want you that – we need you, and damn it – you need us too. Especially now. Last thing he'd want is for this team to fall apart because of him. We're too damn good to let that happen. That's not the legacy he deserves. We might survive losing one member – maybe even two," he glanced at Josiah, who remained impassive, "but three – that ends us."

"I'm not abandoning him Chris. Bad enough he's in that place. I'm not leaving him alone there."

"Part time. We'll keep you off active cases unless something extreme comes up. You can work the office end of cases – research, set up and the like. Don't imagine we'll be taking on anything too heavy for a while anyway."

"I can set up a remote access for you Vin." JD offered. "You could do a lot of stuff from Ezra's room if you need to. Don't leave Vin. Bad enough Josiah's gonna go, you can't leave too." The young man was all but pleading, and although Nathan was quiet, his face expressed the same sentiment.

Buck found the way to break through Vin's uncertainty. "If you're right – and Ezra wakes up in a few weeks only to find we've all gone our separate ways, he's gonna be madder than a wet cat. You really want to be the one who has to own up to being responsible for that?"

The notion almost brought a smile to his face. Vin leaned back, rubbing his hand over his face before smoothing back his hair, all in an effort to stall while he pulled his thoughts together. They were making concessions, and he knew he needed to do the same.

"OK – we can try that out. I don't want to quit Chris. You know that. But I have to be doing something for him."

"I know. We're all trying to do what we have to just to get through this. Sure as hell not what I expected to be looking at. OK – you go do what you have to do for now. I'll put together a business case for all of this and get everything official."

"You think upstairs will go for this?"

"They will if they know what's good for them. Go. I'll keep you informed."

Vin came into the office early the next day to get what he needed from his desk, not wanting to encounter the others. He didn't know yet if the powers that be at ATF had signed off on his alternate working arrangement, and he really didn't care. If they said no, he simply wouldn't be working there any longer. In any case, there were a few things he wanted to have with him, in case he never came back in.

Just as importantly, there were a few things he needed to leave behind. Ezra, being Ezra, had written letters to everyone – just in case. Vin didn't know what they said, at least not specifically. He hadn't even read his own yet. They'd been written to express his final thoughts, to be read after his death. Vin didn't think he should wait that long. He was hoping whatever was in those messages might be enough to rally the team again. They were falling apart, and he knew he was as much to blame as any of them. Probably more. These words might well be the tipping point – in either direction.

He opened the door to Chris's office to put the notes on his desk, with a cover note of his own explaining everything. He saw his work status application there, signed the day before. Above Chris's signature on it had been one sentence. "Strongly recommend approval if you have any hopes this team might still be around 6 months from now." Apparently the higher ups agreed, as the request was marked 'Approved'. He smiled with a relief he hadn't really expected to feel. Maybe this job – no, this team – still meant more to him than he had acknowledged, he thought, heading out for another day with Ezra. 

None of Chris's detecting skills were needed to determine he wasn't the first in the office that morning. His door wasn't closed tight. It was rarely locked, but usually closed. Given that whoever had been there was gone, he rapidly drew his own conclusions, confirmed when he saw the note from Vin, along with the envelopes. Their placement meant the Vin had undoubtedly seen the work approval. Chris hoped that would be enough to keep him going a while longer, and that his own recommendation would reassure Vin of his support.

He picked up the bundle and looked through it, taking his own from the top and setting it aside. The temptation was almost overwhelming, but he held off on opening it. He wanted to be with the author while he read it, and decided instantly on the plan.

As much as was possible, the five men in the office tried to make it a normal work day. Josiah packed up a few of his things, but spent most of the time making sure his file notes were up to date. The others processed paperwork as well, while Chris fended of calls and assignments for the team. As the slow and unnaturally quiet day drew to a close Chris summoned them into his office.

"These are from Ezra," he stated the obvious as he handed out the notes. The man's handwriting was as distinctive as he was. "Vin left them for us. I plan on reading mine tonight, with Ez. Figured some of you might want to do the same, so I thought we could all head over to see him."

Buck nodded. "We should grab some dinner on the way, 'cause you know Vin probably ain't had a bite all day."

JD hesitated for a moment, before agreeing to join in. He was the opposite to Chris, not expecting to be able to be near the man while reading whatever had been written. He was afraid even a single sentence would take him over the emotional wall he'd been building. Still, if he was going to fall apart, at least it would give him the justification he'd need in front of the others. Course, he was betting they'd all be close to the edge too. A glance to Josiah made the young man think the veteran was reading his mind, as he smiled and nodded. Guess he should be used to the profiler being able to read him so easily. He was going to miss that.

Nathan made a quick call to Raine, cancelling dinner plans. He'd read his note later, with her nearby, but he would be there for his friends tonight.

 **TBC**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	4. The Letters

_**Chris:**_

 _My friend, (and I can say in my heart I know that to be an apt declaration), I sincerely hope and pray that whatever led to your receiving this letter is not an occurrence you interpret as my running out on you. That is something I vowed to never again do._

 _For someone who had a reputation for selecting precise and deliberate vocabulary at all times, I continually found myself at a loss for a manner in which to express my deep and eternal gratitude to you for your unwarranted (at the time) faith in me. Never before had anyone, and I do mean anyone, deemed me worthy of a second chance. A renewed opportunity to turn myself around._

 _There is no question in my mind that you have had cause to lament your invitation to me. I choose to believe those instances have been few, and one can only hope, fleeting. I do know there have been moments, what with me being me and you being you, but please believe I only tested the boundaries of your patience when I had no option – usually._

 _There has never been a moment that I regretted accepting the more than generous opportunity you gifted me with. That includes the moment at which time whatever has led to my death occurred. I can only hope I met with an honourable demise, serving you and the team in a manner that properly reflects my deep regard and respect for all of you._

 _Despite the fact that you have already done for me more than anyone else has, I will presume to ask one final favour. Do not allow this, whatever it was, to destroy the team. I am not worth that cost._

 _Do not misunderstand that. I have come to accept that, for reasons I never was able to fathom, you all have deemed me deserving of the friendship everyone has bestowed on me. Given the respect I have for your judgement, I humbly accept such a designation. When I say I am not worth it, what I am trying to express is that my departure is not a justification for allowing our band to – well to disband. If despair takes hold, I fear the team may disintegrate under the load. No one individual, least of all a reprobate such as myself, should be the catalyst of such an event._

 _They will listen to you. They will follow your advice. They will follow you. If you choose to wallow in what I know is unwarranted guilt and sorrow, if you choose to let the loss of one member of the team eat away at you, they will do the same. This team, what we have done, and what you all can still do is far too important. It is bigger than me, bigger than any one of us. I know there is not one of you who would want the team to disperse on their account. I am entrusting you to ensure it does not do so on mine._

Chris sat by the bed as he read his letter. "Never go in for half measures, do you Standish?" Chris mumbled to the comatose agent. He knew exactly how this was going to affect the team – and each man in it. Keeping them together, keeping them functional was going to be more than a challenge. Leave it to Standish to make it a final request.

He looked over the message again. "Damn right I 'lamented' it sometimes. You could be the most obstinate, irritating, exasperating man to ever draw a breath. Next to me of course. Surprised we never came to blows, not that that would be your style." He'd briefly lost his temper with the man when he read "not worth it", calming a little as he went on. "You are not a reprobate – least ways not anymore."

He sighed deeply, reaching up and taking Ezra's hand in his. "I don't have a lot of friends either Ezra. Never seemed to be able to keep any. Most folks don't have the tolerance for putting up with me. You – you seemed to revel in my attitude. Yeah – you push the limits, and don't think I don't know you enjoy every minute of it. Truth is, so did I some of the time.

Anyway – I'll make you a promise to do the best I can with these guys. You may have more confidence in me than I deserve on this, and I'm not sure all things considered that they'll listen to me, but I promise to try. And you know how I feel about people who don't keep promises."

 _7-7-7-7-7-7-7_

 ** _Josiah:_**

 _In many ways I fear that this will be harder on you than on any of our teammates. My deep concern for you is that this may all somehow cause you to question yourself, or your faith. While it is a faith I never was able to share, I always admired your adherence to your beliefs, and envied you the comfort you found in them. I also know you perch at the edge of holding onto that conviction at times, particularly when your heart is broken._

 _I cannot pretend to understand why you have taken the paternal interest in me that you have elected to, but I was always deeply moved by the fact you did. While I appeared unwilling over time to accept such attentiveness, it was never because it was not cherished. I questioned my worthiness, and the association I had toward the idea of fatherhood. My own father never played an active role in my life, though I spent much of my childhood imaging the possibility. I learned over time his absence was not entirely of his own volition, but that did not lessen my ambiguous feelings toward the man. Every time you called me son, I was torn between those feelings, and my wish that there had been some truth in your reference._

 _The fact that, at this stage in my life, someone would look upon me in that way, care about me in that way, is a concept I had a great deal of trouble coming to accept. Slowly, thanks to your complete unwillingness to surrender the idea, I came to understand your intention. I found myself inordinately pleased to see acceptance, caring, and even pride in your face. And equally anguished to see disappointment or distress from time to time. I discovered I was making a concerted effort to avoid seeing those looks again, and realized I had finally learned what it meant to have a parent you desperately sought to please, and who still accepted you even when you failed in that goal._

 _You did fulfill the role in your own way for me though, and for that I shall always be grateful. Now I ask of you to provide that same guidance to the remainder of the team. They may not know they are looking for direction, but I know they will be. Chris will do his best to continue his superlative role as leader, and in that capacity I have no doubt he will succeed in keeping the team united. But you, my dear friend, are the one who can keep the soul of the team alive. That is no simple task, but I have no doubt you are more than equal to it. That is the faith I have in you._

Josiah rested his bowed head in his hands. Pulling himself together he sat up, leaning back on the bench in the courtyard where he had escaped to for privacy. These words, these feelings, were not what he'd expected to read. He'd always supposed Ezra resented his paternal feelings – believing the profiler had overstepped himself in venturing to assume such a role.

He never dreamt that it was because the young man himself felt unworthy of it. Ezra presented himself as confidence personified. Doubt did not exist in the image created. And that there were issues with his father? Not really surprising, knowing what he did of Ezra's mother, but still not an issue he'd ever given any consideration. An ironic turn when he stopped to consider his own paternal issues.

Seeing these words, knowing that Ezra had actually made the effort to make him proud was almost more than he could bear. Why had they never had this discussion before? Why did it require something like this to occur before people understood how important they were to each other?

What saddened him most was the realization he was going to fail his friend, his son, at the worst possible time. He saw no way he could provide guidance and heal the soul of the team. Ezra had been right in his fear. This experience had left the ex-preacher shattered in his convictions. He had difficulty tolerating loss and waste when he saw it daily in the course of his job. But to see it in front of him, to see Ezra cut down in such a merciless and pointless manner was more than he could accept.

"I'm so sorry son" he thought to himself, "but your faith has been seriously misplaced this time."

 _7-7-7-7-7-7-7_

 ** _John:_**

 _I know it isn't your preference, but for this singular occasion please allow me the liberty of addressing you by your given name. John, you are a fine operative, a first-rate computer expert, but most importantly, a true blessing in my world. My formative years, and subsequent time in law enforcement left me more than a tad skeptical in my view of the world. Your enthusiasm and exuberance reminded me that life is not always meant to be seen through jaded eyes, and served to restore my faded belief in human nature. Your view of the world is not youthful naivety as some will try to say. No, yours is a natural optimism. A refusal to accept anything less than a positive outcome._ _ _Don't ever allow yourself to lose that outlook._ Cynicism and bitterness will destroy you – I know whereof I speak on that. _

_Please don't let whatever has happened now dampen that enthusiasm. The others in our group will need to be reminded of delight that comes in living with optimism. Share your simple passion for living with them. Learn from them, but do not allow them to assume your youth equates an ignorance or inability to do your job. You have great instincts – trust them._

 _I am trusting in you to keep hope alive in our group. They will present a challenge, but I have no doubt you are more than equal to the task._

 _Two final points. I'm asking you to take care of Chaucer for me. I know he'll be well cared for at Chris's ranch, but he needs someone to take him in hand. To know someone is taking care of him. And for God's sake - propose to Casey. You will never find a more perfect match for your outlook on life._

JD looked at the note in his hand, wishing his writing was a good looking as Ezra's. For that matter, wishing he had half the vocabulary the man did. He could say something in 5 words, but why to that when you can use 10, each with more syllables than any word should need. Thinking about stuff like that meant he didn't have to think about the letter itself.

He shifted on the small sofa, looking around him at the empty solarium. No matter how hard they tried, this place simply couldn't look cheery.

Ezra wanted him to keep hope alive. How could he do that when he had so little of his own left? That other letter, the one Vin let everyone read, that pretty much said Ezra was going to die. Was really already dead. Every time he looked at him in that bed – sterile white sheets, hospital walls. That wasn't right. The man was nothing but colour, and seeing him in the drab existence of an institution like this? No, the truth was, JD realized sadly, he had no hope left to share.

He took a deep breath and set his shoulders back, sitting up straight. So, he'd have to find some. You don't deny a man his dying wish, especially not when the man was someone like Ezra. Someone who taught him how to win at poker. He'd always known how to play, but now he had the subtleties that would let him win against just about anybody – except the master. Ezra was always quietly supporting him, encouraging him to stand up to the others and assert himself. So if Ezra thought he could bolster the team, then damn it – he would.

Proposing? Well, just maybe Ezra had a bit more faith in him than was deserved. Still, he'd been right about so many other things. JD puzzled out his options while staring out the window.

 _7-7-7-7-7-7-7_

 ** _Buck:_**

 _Never, in all my years and my wide scope of encounters, have I chanced upon an individual with as much pure joie de vivre as you possess. A truly indomitable spirit, which served to brighten even my darkest days. That is a remarkable capability to possess, and one that I long envied. I have never been anywhere close to as truly, deeply, genuinely happy as you appear to be almost daily. I hope to the depths of my soul that whatever has happened now does not extinguish that spark. The others will need you to bring them up from what I know will be some despair._

 _Chris, Vin and Josiah in particular will no doubt be finding ways to place the blame for whatever has happened solely on their own shoulders. Nathan too will take on unwarranted culpability if he sees my passing as something he should have been better trained to prevent. JD will no doubt think his youth and inexperience played a role in all of this. You too, have been known to take on far more guilt than is warranted, though you hide it better than the others, who wear angst almost like a badge of honour. But I am an observer my friend. I see those moments you quietly brood. Please – don't allow that to happen to you – to any of you. I am entrusting you with the happiness of our team._

 _I realize that it may be a difficult task I leave to you. As I said, our group is quite proficient at anguish and recrimination. But I have seen you persist in cajoling a smile out of each and every one of them, and I reluctantly admit, out of me, at times when nothing should have been able to raise our spirits. I know you can be delegated to ensure that my passing will not be an lingering source of melancholy to my dearest friends._

 _Please – be happy, and continue to help others do the same. That is how you can best honour my memory._

Buck leaned against the wall in the hospital corridor. He'd watch JD from a distance as the younger man read his letter. A few moments later he could literally watch him come to a decision, resolving to acted upon something inspired by Ezra's words. He'd had no intention of reading his own letter, at least not yet. Wasn't ready to say goodbye; to make anything more real than it was. Still, JD seemed a bit more, well he didn't know what the word was, but he couldn't help but think whatever had been on the paper was just what the kid needed. Figured. Ezra may put on that he was a one-man operation, and the rest of the world be damned, but there was no doubt that he truly cared for each of the men on the team. Buck sometimes figured Ezra'd figured them all out the first day he was there, and just worked on refining his opinion ever since.

With only a small amount of trepidation, Buck opened his envelope. He was almost immediately puzzled. Ezra envied him. The man had style, class, confidence and charm, yet he envied him? He'd never been truly happy. That was just wrong. Buck had always assumed, from the stories and adventures, that Ezra had enjoyed life to the fullest. Now, to find that wasn't the case. Well that's just wrong.

The rest was wrong too. Oh, not that they'd all feel guilt about it. That went without saying. But the idea the Buck Wilmington would somehow be able to stay happy with everything going on, and to make sure everyone else was happy – well that was more that wrong. That was bat-shit crazy.

He looked down the hall again where JD was now staring out the window with the hint of a smile crossing his face. What could Ezra have said to him to get the Kid grinning at a time like this? He looked back at the letter again. "Well Ezra" he thought "if you're looking for someone suited to taking on a job that was bat-shit crazy, I guess you're right – I'm your man."

As he walked to join JD he forced a phony smile on his face. Then, imagining the look Ezra would be giving him at the effort he found a genuine smile replacing it. He placed a hand on the younger agent's shoulder and was relieved to see the small smiled remained there as well.

"You know Buck – no matter what happens, I think Ezra's always gonna be with us."

 _7-7-7-7-7-7-7_

 ** _Nathan:_**

 _You, as it turns out my friend, have proved to be the hardest of our teammates for me to write to. In many ways, I remain uncertain as to just where we stand. I have presumed to call you friend, because on evaluation, if the tables were turned, and it was I mourning your loss, it would be the loss not of a colleague, but a friend. One who challenged me on a regular basis to be better than what I allowed myself to be. One who saw in me a potential for more than I was._

 _My moral code never quite lived up to yours. I was raised with different values, different beliefs. Many of those I shed over the years, as age and experience taught me the truth of the world. Some of my ideologies were slower to adjust than others, and I am grateful to you for providing to me the impetus to continue my personal growth. Your restorative skills go far beyond the physical healing you have provided over time._

 _At times I wonder if you feel like the teacher in a kindergarten, surrounded by unruly children. Or the last sane man trapped with 6 volatile and unpredictable companions. And yet, you remained the voice of reason in our strange little troupe, never surrendering to what must have been a prodigious desire to throw your hands up in frustration. Believe me, I know I was undoubtedly the leading cause of your consternation and exasperation. I should have found the strength to move past our differences to demonstrate my respect and admiration for you. To let you know I cherish the fact that you saw past my sins to accept me for, or more accurately in spite of, myself. Perhaps, in time I might have been able to live up to your moral standards, as they were a worthy goal to strive for._

 _It is no small favour when I beseech you to impress those standards on our remaining friends in the days, weeks and even months ahead. I know these gentlemen well enough to know that if I have come to my end at the hands of others, they will take it upon themselves to balance the scale. You alone may be the only voice that can keep them from taking their desire for justice too far. They are all honourable men, men of principle. But I fear loyalty and retribution may turn to vengeance. I know you can help them to see the difference, and to remind them that they too have a far higher moral code than those they would seek to punish. I entrust you to be their conscience at a time they may not be seeing the path clearly. I know you have the strength to guide them._

"What on earth made Ezra think I ever thought of myself as sane. Would a sane man put up with all of you?" Nathan wondered

"You say something?" He looked across the table to see Raine looking at him with concern in her eyes. She knew what he was reading, and was more than worried about his response.

"Ezra could always take the simplest thing and make it complicated, but also narrow the most complex idea to a single statement. Describes me as a kindergarten teacher to our group."

"Well, there are times…" she grinned at him.

"He overestimated me." Nathan smile faded. "He talks about my voice of reason, my moral code. My character! Hell, if I had the character he seems to think, I'd never have been judging him like I did. I never took the time to try to really get to know him. Assumed the worst based on rumors and stereotypes. How does that make me a man of character?"

She took his hand, reaching for the note at the same time and scanning it. "What matters Nathan, is how he saw you – and how that helped him."

"Says I made him a better man. Pretty sure he turned out to be a better man than I am. Now I'm supposed to be some kind of conscience to the others. How could he think I was the right man for that job?"

"Well, I happen to agree with him on that, but we can discuss that some other time. All you need to know is that he believed it to be the case."

"Why didn't he know he was my friend?" Nathan fought to speak without letting the tears fall.

"He did. He never would have written this otherwise. Trust me honey, he knew."

"Not sure I deserve it."

"Then earn it. Do what he asked of you. Be the man he thinks you are."

Nathan looked up and a ghost of a smile crossed his face. "Not sure I deserve you either."

"You don't, but I love you anyway."

 _7-7-7-7-7-7-7_

 ** _VIN:_**

 _To quote a film classic – I think I will miss you most of all. Words cannot convey my pleasure and astonishment in acknowledging I have formed such deep and powerful friendships as with all of these magnificent men, I am most grateful for the connection the two of us have forged. Never did I expect to find a kindred spirit. Another soul who could understand things about me that I did not even comprehend myself._

 _Although I do not for a moment claim to have your moral fiber, or your code of ethics, I do believe we have a mutual understanding of the ways of the world, and of our respective roles in trying to ensuring a tipping of the scales in favour of good over evil. There is no manner to express the pride and gratitude I feel in being able to share that with you._

 _You are, in many ways, the man I wished to have been. Neither of us had a childhood of privilege, but you found the way to rise above your unfortunate circumstances, where I tended for years to wallow in mine. You helped me see past that, and I chose to believe that helped to make me a better man._

 _And now, I impose upon you for one final favour. I have asked of all our friends to share their strengths with the others. Their joie de vivre, enthusiasm, moral code, spirit, and leadership. From you, I ask the daunting task of ensuring they all follow my request. You have a way of reading people that is second only to mine, and you have always used yours for the betterment of others. You sense when one of the others is in despair, is anxious, is in doubt. You can be the one to move them past those moments._

 _I lied. I ask a second favour of you. Actually more important than the first. I want you –no, I_ _ **need**_ _you – to live your life for me. Do not let whatever it was that brought me down to the same to you. Accept that I died a better man than I would have been had I never met you. All of you. Knowing that you honour this will allow me to rest._

Vin lay on his bed at home and read the letter twice. He knew he couldn't do what was being asked of him. Not now. Maybe not ever. It was too much. "I'm sorry Pard," he thought. "For now, I look after you. The others are gonna have to get by on their own. For now, and for as long as it takes, I take care of you. Then – if I survive this, I'll try."

He read the letter again, folded it carefully, turned his fact into the pillow and softly cried himself to sleep.

TBC

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	5. Chapter 5

_Three weeks later_

"What the hell do you think you are doing? Get your hands of my son!" Vin was surprised at both the words and the presence of the woman speaking them.

"I am helping Ezra exercise, and I will 'get my hands off him' when I'm done. Nice of you to show up Maude. Only 9 weeks – record time for you." He was in no way inclined to show her any consideration.

Chris had tried for weeks to track her down, and with JD's (unofficial, unauthorised and totally off the record) help finally was able to track some credit card spending to a European resort. After leaving multiple messages, each with increasing degrees of urgency, she finally called him back. Her reaction was appalling, but sadly not completely unexpected.

"Really Mr. Larabee. I see no point in abandoning my business venture if I can be of no help to poor Ezra. I doubt very much he would expect me to do so."

"Well, I have to agree with you there Maude. I doubt he'd expect you to give up anything for him."

"That is not what I meant sir – and I believe you know that."

"May not be what you meant, but it sure as hell is the truth. Don't you waste a minute of your time worrying about him. He's got folks who care tending to him now." He hung up before she could respond, grateful she had called to his landline so he had the satisfaction of slamming the receiver down. He looked at the mess on his desk and sighed as he pulled out the forms necessary to requisition a new phone.

Now, a month after the call, here she stood.

"What happened Maude – your latest scam fall through?"

"How dare you talk to me that way. I would have been here sooner if I could. And it's not 9 weeks – it was barely 4 weeks since I spoke to your annoying Mr. Larabee. Honestly, the man has fewer manners than you do."

"May only be 4 weeks, but he was trying to reach you for over 4 ahead of that."

"Nevertheless, I am here now, so you will please take your leave Mr. Tanner. Your presence is no longer required."

"I'm not going anywhere Maude, and you have no authority to make me, so save your breath."

"What do you mean I have no authority? That is my son you are standing beside – and I believe I told you to take your hands off him!"

Vin had continued doing physical therapy with Ezra throughout the conversation, as he had every day at the home. The movements helped to keep muscles from atrophying, not to mention helping with bedsores and other problems he might have encountered. And Vin remained convinced that the simple physical contact meant Ezra knew he wasn't alone, his friends stayed near.

"May be your son Maude, but he's my responsibility – all nice and legal. I have the power of attorney for his care – including all medical authority." He finished the stretches and began a slow massage of Ezra's legs."

"Why on earth would he give you any such authority?" She watched as he continued to treat Ezra, then suddenly her eyes opened wide. "Legal? Oh my God – what have you done to Ezra? You've seduced him? Tricked him in some way? Please don't tell me your married? Ezra would never do that to me!"

Vin starred, stunned, at the ranting woman. He had no idea where to start straightening her out. "Shut the hell up Maude. Just how would Ezra being happy equal doing something to you? Never mind. In the first place, I have yet to meet anyone who could trick Ezra into anything. It's one lesson he learned very well from you. In the second place, we are not married. We're both straight – not that you seem to know your son well enough to be aware of that. But yeah – you got part of it right. I love your son. Never was lucky enough to have a brother, least not till I met him. Other than my mom, I never knew what it meant to care about someone like that – to have family."

Maude stared at him, not completely understanding what he was saying. He tried to calm himself enough to deal rationally with the woman.

"Bottom line Maude. He trusted me to keep his best interests in mind, to honour his wishes. He made those very clear. So, you have two choices. You can, for once in your life, put Ezra ahead of yourself. Do as he asked. You go along with that, and you are more than welcome to spend as much time with him as you'd like to. I won't stand in your way.

But – you challenge any of this, you try to take over and put your own agenda first, and you are out the door. I have no problem with that either. I will not let you disrespect him any longer."

She pulled herself out of her shock enough to move into a state of indignation. "Why I never! You have no right –"

"He has every right Maude." Chris stood in the doorway, eyes black as coal. "Legal, moral, any way you look at it, he's got every right. But you go right ahead and fight. Document was drawn up by one of the best lawyers in the state – probably in the country. Witness happens to be Judge Travis, so there again, you might have a bit of trouble finding someone to overturn this. But you feel free to waste your time and money."

The idea of wasting money seemed to quiet the woman in a hurry.

"That your concern Maude?" Chris continued. "Don't worry none, this isn't costing Ezra anything. Insurance covering it all – work related so Ezra's estate won't be affected by this." Vin tried to keep the surprised look from his face. Ezra hadn't been on duty when he was hurt, there was no way this should be paid by his coverage. Chris gave him a small nod, confirming what he'd said. Clearly someone had pulled a few strings.

Chris turned his focus back to Maude, almost snarling at her by this point. "Course the estate doesn't involve you, so doesn't matter anyway."

"Let me guess. You all conned him into leaving everything to you. The car, the condo, everything. Oh, rest assured I will challenge it – all of it."

"Not to us Maude – to charity." She gasped. "Yeah. Despite your best efforts, you failed. Ezra turned out decent. Think you best leave now." He glared until she backed down. Holding her head high, she strode toward the door. He gently grabbed at her arm and as she turned, he reached into his jacket pocket and handed her a note he'd been carrying for weeks. "It's from Ezra." He looked her in the eye. "You're welcome back anytime you are ready to face facts." She shook his grip off and marched down the corridor.

 _Mother:_

 _The catalogue of explanations that have prompted me to compose this missive is undoubtedly more extensive than the note itself will be. The fact you are reading this signifies I have either been permanently incapacitated, or I have died. Either way, I regret putting you through my loss. I choose to believe, all evidence to the contrary, that you will feel some sorrow at my death._

 _I wish with all my heart we had had the kind of relationship that would have rendered this letter pointless. But you taught me that wishes have no place in the lives of people such as we. And neither of us has the ability to alter history, so…_

 _The intent of this is to try to persuade to cause as little misery for my friends as possible. Yes mother, I said friends. To be fair, I am not certain that word does justice to the feelings I have for these 6 men, but it will have to suffice. I dare not call them brothers. It would be presuming far more than I am willing to chance. It has taken me some time to even dare to presume to call them friends, for I remain unconvinced I am worthy of such an accolade. I know they would dispute that, and that fact alone warms me more than I can express._

 _So I write this to assure you that I was not under any undue influence or in any way 'non compos mentis' when I left responsibility for my care to Vin Tanner. He is a man I trust implicitly, as I do all of the others. However, Vin has an understanding of me that can come only from one who shares the designation of loner. Would that I had as much assurance in your willingness to honour my requests as I have in his._

 _Likewise, my will is outside of your reach. I do not have the wealth you repeatedly maintain would be at my disposal had I used my God-given talents in the manner you would have preferred. Nevertheless, there is a reasonable sum set aside and it will be benefitting those far more deserving of it than either of us could claim to be. A few mementos will go to my friends, in hopes that it will keep me in their memories a little longer. And you too shall have a token that represents my memories of you. I hope you will cherish it._

 _I am truly sorry that this will cause you discomfort or angst, but again, looking out for my own interests is a lesson I learned at your feet. I do love you mother, whether you choose to believe that or not, and whether or not you return the sentiment._

Maude read the note over twice, not quite believing the contents on first review. These men meant more to her son than she did? As she neared the end the second time through, she was shocked to find the trace of tears on her cheeks. Despite all he had written, all he had said, he still cared. She wiped the moisture from her face with an air of anger. "You're a damned fool. Emotions are a waste of time and energy." As she folded the note and put it into her purse, she wondered fleeting if those words were meant for Ezra, or for herself. She hailed a taxi and drove away from her son, not looking back.

 _10 days later_

Vin was gathering up a new workload from the office, having dropped of the latest batch of updated files. It was the first time in his adult life that he'd been grateful for paperwork, as it provided ample opportunity for him to work without having to spend too much time away from the home. He glanced to the clock and was surprised to see he'd been here almost 4 hours. Not all that long ago he'd been able to mentally track almost to the minute the passage of time, but hours spent with Ezra seemed to have dulled that skill. Time didn't mean all that much in that room.

He stood and stretched, heading over to the open door of Chris's office.

"Buck said he's bringing that toxic salsa of his tomorrow, so you might want to bring a plan B snack option."

"I'm gonna stay at the ranch – get some dinner set up for everyone to come out when the afternoon game is over."

Vin glared at him. "Plan on watching all the games with him – like we always do."

"Yeah, but we're usually watching them at the ranch. Figured we could divide up the day this year."

"Figured wrong Chris. I'm staying with him. You can't be bothered to, well that's your call." He turned and stalked out of the office without another word.

"JD and I had the same fight, if that's any comfort Chris."

"Not much, but thanks anyway Buck. Since you're bringing food, you obviously gave into him."

"Don't I always. Kid puts on the damned kicked puppy look and I can't fight him. 'Sides, I figure this is our last Thanksgiving as a team – last Christmas too, so you can bet we'll have the fight again."

Nathan looked at his friend. "Last as a team – you mean last with Ezra don't you?"

"You see this team coming back together once he's gone? Hell, we're barely together now. Josiah's retired and more or less in seclusion. Vin's away more than he's here. Can't really see him coming back to the set up when it's all over. Even JD's been talking about looking for another job. Leaving law enforcement all together. At least leaving ATF."

Nathan frowned, nodding his head. "Have to admit, I've thought about it too. Raine would definitely be happier if I was in a different line of work. Wants me to go back and get a medical degree. At least look at becoming a paramedic."

Chris was at the same time surprised and not to hear that. He knew the team was barely holding on, and couldn't find a way, or a reason, to fight the momentum. He knew he was letting Ezra down, but couldn't find the reserve within himself to make the effort.

The next day organized chaos reigned in Ezra's room.

"JD, you cannot set up the TV there – glare from the window will be too strong." Buck glared at the man who was moving chairs out of the way.

"Well I can't put it where you said because it'll block the door."

"What's wrong with the other corner." JD looked at his partner incredulously.

"You're kidding me right?"

"No glare, nobody will trip over anything. It's perfect."

Vin grinned, recognizing what Buck was failing to take into account, and thrilled JD had seen the problem.

"Ezra won't be able to see the games if the TV's there."

Buck stared, fighting to not say what he was thinking. Did he really think it mattered to Ezra? Could he still believe, after all this time, there was any awareness there at all? He glanced over to the bed for a moment, then back looked at the eager young face.

"Right – wasn't thinking that through. We can move the dresser. That'll give him a perfect view."

They were gathered for the Thanksgiving ritual of football and junk food. Of course Nathan brought something healthy, and it sat at the end of the table, where it would remain until all other options had been exhausted. Then, with some reluctance, they would devour the final offering.

Vin looked at the chairs spread around the room. They'd have to grab a couple more if Chris and Josiah changed their plans and showed up. He wasn't really expecting Josiah. The big man still hadn't come to terms with everything, and the few visits he made to see his surrogate son had been at quiet times, late, when he was sure to be alone. Vin regretted his absence, but understood what the man was trying to deal with.

Chris, on the other hand, was a totally different story. They hadn't spoken since Vin stormed out of the office and he hadn't been in to see Ezra since the confrontation with Maude 11 days earlier. Vin found himself growing more resentful daily of the attitude and actions their leader was demonstrating.

The first kick-off was about to happen. The men had made themselves comfortable around the room and Ezra was propped a little higher in the bed. It was all an illusion, but one they were willing to live with for the day. Just as the game started, Chris walked into the room. He tossed a few bags of chips on the dresser and opened the small fridge to add a couple of six packs.

"No turkey dinner?" Vin questioned, trying to keep his tone neutral.

"Yeah, there'll be dinner. Nettie said she whip up a bunch of turkey sandwiches for us and bring 'em by later. Said she hadn't seen you for a while and figured this was a chance to make sure you were behavin' yourself."

"Assume you tell her I was?"

"Course not – wouldn't lie to her now, would I?" He grinned as he said it, and was relieved to see a smile in response.

"Nah –she'd find out and tear a piece of your hide out."

"We here to watch, or we here to talk?" Buck growled.

"Yeah – you know Buck can't do both at the same time." JD ducked when the big guy took a playful swing at him.

 **TBC**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	6. Chapter 6

_4 weeks later_

Chris shook his head in disbelief as he stepped into the room. He made a note to himself that in the future, Buck and JD would not be allowed near any Christmas decorations. Every time he came by, there were more wreaths, garlands and reindeer festooning the space. Now, a second tree had been added to the mix. Smaller – thank heavens – than the one filling the corner, but decidedly more garish. Where they had found a metallic gold and green tree was something Chris really did not want to know.

"Christmas Eve and you're still decorating? Don't you think you might have gone a bit overboard?"

"No such thing as too much Christmas, Chris."

"No, but there is such a thing as to much tinsel. Honestly JD, you've got enough metal here to act as an antenna!"

"Yeah – I know. But Ezra'd love it!"

Chris arched an eyebrow. The sophisticated tastes of Ezra Standish were in no way reflected in the discord of the décor in the room. But, he conceded, he would love how much JD was loving it. JD grinned sheepishly. "OK – but he'd at least be amused by it."

Chris laughed. "He would certainly have something to say about it."

He walked over to the bedside, taking the chair usually occupied by Vin. Today though, the young agent was absent, at least at the moment. No doubting he'd be back soon.

"Oh Ezra." Chris sighed quietly. "What I wouldn't give to hear your commentary on the show Buck and JD have created. I'm guessing you'd have words to describe it none of us have ever heard of. And likely a few more colourful ones we all know." He looked down at the pale figure and for the first time registered this really wasn't Ezra anymore.

He'd accepted long ago that the southerner was gone to them, but the man lying in the beg barely even looked like the vigorous character they'd known. His complexion was sallow, the colourless tone of a man indoors for months. The skin was slack. Even his hair seemed to be limp and flat. He'd clearly lost weight – a feeding tube provided the nutrients he needed, but little more. And even with Vin's diligent workout schedule, one look at the man was all it took to see there was no muscle tone, no definition to him anymore. It had taken just a little over 3 months to transform him from the dynamic force he'd been, to a shell. This was no longer Ezra Standish. How could Vin continue to hope?

He blinked back the tears he could feel forming. This was not the time. This was not the day to say goodbye, and he pushed that sensation to the back of his mind as he heard Nathan arrive, clearly talking to someone.

"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes," he voiced as Josiah entered the room. The big man paused for a moment, overwhelmed by the flashing tree lights and barrage of red green that assaulted his vision.

"Clearly someone let Buck and JD decorate. Whatever were you thinking?"

"Josiah! Knew you'd be here today – you owe me twenty dollars Buck."

"You bet on my attendance?" JD looked embarrassed. "Ezra'd be so proud of you!"

As he said the name, he looked over to the bed for the first time. The smile stayed on his face, but the light faded from his eyes. "And how is our brother today?" He walked closer, but couldn't bring himself next to the bed.

Chris gave a small shrug. "He's with us for Christmas. Guess that counts for something."

"Counts for everything Chris. We take what we can. Hey Josiah – glad you could make it." Vin signaled Chris to stay in his seat, pulling up a chair beside him. "Being here, all of us. That counts for everything Chris."

 _One week later._

Vin was sitting in the lobby when Chris showed up. He hadn't planned on coming in tonight. They had agreed that a New Year's Eve celebration was too much, even for the eternal optimists in the group. Nathan was spending the holiday with Raine, JD was with Casey, and Buck – well Buck wasn't certain which lovely lady would welcome the next year with him, but he was sure he'd find companionship. After finishing up in the office, Chris was going to head out to the ranch, a quiet evening for a change. He'd thought of calling Mary Travis, but decided it wasn't fair to her, given the state of mind he'd be in. So when Vin had called, an anxious tone to his voice, Chris agreed to detour and drop in.

"Didn't expect you down here. Everything OK?"

"Josiah's up there. He's gonna spend the evening here. Asked if I'd mind giving him some time."

"Won't hurt you to have an evening to yourself. Been a while I'm guessing."

Vin looked up at him and Chris was concerned by the look of the young man. He had no spark left, no hope was in his eyes anymore.

"Gonna have lots of time to myself soon enough. I'm in no rush." He gulped down a mouthful of what was clearly no longer hot coffee. "Look Chris – I owe you, all of you, an apology. I've been a miserable SOB to be around for the last few months. I know that, and it's not fair."

"Nothing about this is fair. And I haven't exactly been a bed of roses myself. Thorns maybe." He failed to get even a hint of smile from Vin. "Not your fault Vin – this sucks for everybody."

Vin looked away, exhaustion taking away his ability to hide his feelings. Chris looked at his tired friend.

"Damn it Vin. That ain't your fault either. I thought we settled this months ago."

"I should have been with him Chris. None of this would have happened-"

"What – you know that for a fact? Like I told you before – you weren't his guardian. How could you have guessed, imagined, that something like this could happen? You think he'd be ok with you getting shot, or worse, trying to protect him? Vin. Nobody could have done anything about this. We all feel responsible. This has stripped Josiah of pretty much everything he believes in, and he won't let us help him out. Buck and JD were two blocks away. That still eats at them. JD has nightmares."

Vin looked up surprised. He hadn't noticed their younger member in pain. "Buck says he can hear him sometimes. Calling out for Ezra to watch out. He won't talk about them, but it isn't too hard to figure out. He's doing better, but they still come. So, you know Buck. Not enough he feels bad about bein' so close and not being able to stop this, now he feels bad he can't help JD."

"Why didn't I see that?"

"Same reason you haven't seen Nathan looking at other career options. You're caught up in your own world of guilt. We're all falling apart because none of us can make any sense of this, and we've all just pulled away from each other."

Vin looked out the window for a minute, and then, to Chris's unending surprise, burst out laughing.

"Do you have any idea how thoroughly pissed off Ezra is with all of us right now. Wherever he's watching us from, he is swearing a blue streak. He gets mad enough and those $10 words disappear and what takes over would make a sailor blush.

I'm betting your letter said the same thing as mine – that we're supposed to take care of each other. Lean on each other. Well, maybe we couldn't protect him, but I think it's about time we started respecting all of his wishes."

For the first time in months Chris felt a smile come to his face that came from his heart. "You got a plan?"

"We start with an emergency meeting at the ranch tomorrow. No excuses. Full attendance. Anybody argues – order them."

"And Josiah?"

"I'll figure out something."

Both men stood up, a sense of purpose spurring them once again. Vin reached out for a hand shake, and was momentarily stunned when Chris brushed it aside, pulling the man into a brief hug instead reminding his friend, "Nobody messes with team 7 – including team 7." He pulled back. "OK – I got calls to make. Damn. We're gonna need food."

Vin sprinted up the stairs toward Ezra's room, trying to figure how to convince Josiah to return to the fold. He stopped outside the door as he heard the veteran agent speaking softly to Ezra.

"…guess I just didn't understand it all. Not quite the man of faith I present myself to be. I just figured I'd be the first to go in our crowd. I know we all face the dangers, and you have always been the one to run head long into a situation you hard-headed fool. Then again, you seem to have more lives than a litter of cats put together. Never figured that famed luck of yours would run out.

That day, that morning. I felt it. I knew there was something not right. From what Vin said, I think you felt the same. JD would call it a disturbance in the force. Whatever it was, I wish I'd understood it better son.

Felt real good to know you actually like it when I call you that. I know I don't have the right – no, the honour – to lay that claim. And I know you don't think of yourself as anyone's pride and joy. Maude has a lot to answer for on that. But you have to believe that you filled that void for me. Never had children. Never found a woman who could tolerate my moods enough to settle in for that kind of commitment. But if I had, and if they'd turned out half the person you are, well I'd have to say I'd done something right.

Listen to me rambling on. You show a gentleman's patience in hearing me out like this. Course if you could I'm sure you'd be disputing some of this. You'd also likely be giving me one of your fancy lectures. I know I've let you down in the last few months. Not just in not being here for you, but not being here for the others. Guessing that would be bothering you more. You care more than you let on, else you never would have penned all those letters. I couldn't do what you asked me to son. You have far too high an opinion of me."

Vin stepped in quietly. "No Josiah, he had too high an opinion of all of us. But it's about time we started trying to live up to it, wouldn't you say?"

"Don't think I can brother."

"Really? Ezra thought you could. You willing to bet against him? Didn't take you for that kind of fool, old man."

Josiah looked down at the comatose man, and then back to Vin. "No – guess that would be a sucker bet, wouldn't it." He grinned slightly. "And just who are you calling old Junior?" 

Buck showed up at the ranch the next day nursing an hellacious hangover. Even JD had the presence of mind not to harass him about it, and Nathan merely handed him extra strength aspirin. Chris put a pitcher of juice in front of him, knowing from numerous past occurrences the man's preferred treatment. Everyone's spirits rose when Josiah arrived, to the big man's intense relief. He wasn't certain he'd be welcomed back based on his absence over the last months, but they all knew their own actions hadn't always been stellar during that time.

Vin was the last to arrive. Chris stepped out to the porch to meet him. "So how'd you get Josiah to show up?"

"Wasn't all that hard. Think he'd reach the same conclusion we have. Just needed someone to point it out to him." He grinned as he walked in and saw Buck drooped into a corner of the sofa, sunglasses on, cool cloth on his neck and a large OJ in hand. "So, you have a good New Year's Eve Pard?"

The response was a low growl, followed by a weak moan.

"Called you all out here to talk about a New Year's resolution."

"Damn Chris – it's just a hangover. No need to get on my case about it."

"OK – that was a little defensive. This isn't about your drinkin' Buck – although since you mention it, yeah, I think you've been doin' too much of it lately. And if you expect to stay on as part of the team, you might want to rethink that."

"What team?" he snarled back. "Josiah's left, Nathan's leaving, Vin's hardly there, and Ezra – well hell. So that leaves you, me and JD as the team, just shuffling papers around."

"That right Nathan? You leaving?" All heads had turned to the agent.

"Might be. I've been accepted by the paramedic program. All I need to do is get my training brought up to speed. Raine wanted me to do med school, but that's just too much time and expense. Besides, paramedic work keeps me out in the field, and that's more my style."

"Yeah – I think we've all spent enough time in hospitals to last us a lifetime." JD agreed.

Chris mulled over the news for a moment. "If you're doing this because you want to, then I'm behind you 100%. We all are. But if you're doin' it to run from all of this, from what we've become, then I'm gonna fight you tooth and nail."

He turned to the others. "We've all fallen apart. That's not putting blame on anyone, 'cept maybe myself. I asked everyone to bring the letter Ezra wrote to them. Don't have to share it. Don't expect you to. But I wanted you to have it with you for this. In mine Ezra asked me to keep us together. Hell, practically begged me to. Said he wasn't worth the team falling apart."

"Damn it Ezra! When are you going to –" Buck cut himself off, realizing what he was saying and dropping back in his seat again.

"I had the same reaction Buck, but it's not really what he meant. He was saying we're too good to let any one thing bring us down. Even something this big. Point is, he asked something of all of us. Based on what Vin and I talked about, our guess is none of us feel up to taking on what he asked."

JD spoke softly. "Wanted me to keep being optimistic, keep hope alive. Problem is, I don't have any hope left. This team is everything I ever dreamt of being a part of, and I don't know what I'm gonna do when Ezra's gone. When this is over."

Buck snarled. "I'm supposed to keep everybody happy. What the hell kind of crappy deal is that? Keep your spirits up? Only spirits I'm raising these days are in a bottle."

There was silence in the room for several minutes as each man thought on Ezra's final requests. The guilt became an almost tangible presence. Eventually, Vin spoke.

"OK – I've been no better at this than any of you, but that changes today. My job was to make sure you all did your jobs, and that's what I aim to do. I haven't given up hope. I can't. But I'm not living in some fantasy world either. I don't know if I'm doing him any good sitting there in the room all the time. I do know it's not doing the rest of us any good, and I know that would piss him off. So, as of tomorrow, I'm back at work full time. Not saying there won't be days I might need to be there with him, and I expect I'll be there most evenings, but the rest of the time I have to move on with my life. That was the other thing he asked of me, and I plan to honour it. Honour him."

"Damn Vin – I don't think you've ever put so many words together at one time before. You're pretty good at it."

"Only good if it makes you do the same Buck."

"Well, it ain't gonna make me give a speech, but I get what you're saying. And yeah – I want things to be the way they used to. Or at least as much as they can. Don't know if I can be happy, or make anyone else happy, but I can sure as hell stop moping all the time. That's at least the right direction."

"Buck? Do I get to kick you in the ass when you slip? That'd sure make me happy." JD's grin was wicked, and had Chris and Josiah laughing while Buck just glared, ineffectively, and the young man.

"I can guarantee one thing. Raine is going be mad as hell with me. I mean we finally set a date, now I gotta tell her I'm not becoming a medic after all."

"You set a date? Why didn't you say anything?" Chris demanded with a wide smile on his face. It was about time someone around here had good news.

"Well, haven't really had a chance to. We just decided last night. June 28th." He looked over to Vin. "Ezra's birthday. It was Raine's choice. She said that way he could be there with us."

"Nathan, that is one amazing lady you found for yourself." Josiah patted the young man on the back.

"Not news to me, my friend. So, are you going to make it unanimous? You coming back."

"Not as easy as it sounds. I retired. That's a lot of paperwork to undo, and the bureau may not want me back. I'm not exactly a youngster anymore, as Vin so kindly reminded me yesterday." He winked to show there were no hard feelings, while Vin gave his best 'Who me?' look.

"Well, might not be quite as complicated as you'd think. You know, with everything going on, and all the filing and processing and what not we've been doing, a few things have sort of slipped through the cracks. I know I put in an extended leave request for you, but don't think any retirement papers got sent in."

"Chris you are one sneaky bastard. Was wondering why I hadn't received any kind of pension paperwork."

"Oh yeah, didn't think about that part of it. Well, no plan is perfect. Sorry."

"All right!" JD pumped a fist in the air. "We are back! Team 7 rides again. Oh, well…" his face fell slightly as he realized how that sounded. "You know what I mean guys.'

"Relax Kid." Buck reached over an ruffled his hair. "We get it. And you're right. We are back. We aren't the same, but we're back."

 **TBC**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	7. Chapter 7

_3 weeks later_

"You look like you got the weight of the world on your shoulders kid. What's up?"

"Nothing special." JD avoided making eye contact with Chris. That alone was a clear sign of trouble. JD never shied away from anyone without a reason, and usually a pretty good one. Chris said nothing, counting on the younger man's conscience to do the work for him.

"Really Chris, it's probably nothing."

The silent treatment continued.

"It's just – well – Vin doesn't usually lose his temper. You or Buck, sure, and sometimes the others, but…" he faded off.

"JD – tell me what happened."

"I went by to see Ezra last night, and bring Vin some dinner. You know how he gets when he's there – half the time he completely forgets to eat. Anyway, I heard glass breaking as I came down the hall. By the time I got to the room, Vin was cleaning it up."

"So he dropped a glass. Not exactly a crime."

"The broken glass wasn't by his chair. Was against the far wall. Not just broken, shattered, and the wall was wet. Vin looked real upset when I asked if he was OK. Didn't really answer me either. Asked if I was staying, and when I said yes, he walked out. Came back about an hour later and just thanked me. Not really sure why."

Chris perched on the edge of JD's desk and sighed.

"Chris?"

"He's getting tired. It's all getting to him. Knew it would happen sooner or later. Actually, kinda surprised it took this long."

"I told him I'd stay and he could go home. He said he couldn't do that."

"It's OK – I'll talk to him. He won't listen, but I can try. You did the right thing telling me."

"Feels wrong."

"Helping a friend is never wrong." 

Chris heard Vin laughing as he neared the room. In his mind he could almost hear Ezra joining in, but sadly realized that sound was slipping from his memory. When he was closer, he recognized the story Vin was telling; one of Buck's failed efforts to get Inez from their favorite bar, to go out with him. Recalling the scene, including the glass of beer that ended up in Buck's lap, Chris was chuckling himself as he entered the room.

"Wasn't expecting you in tonight Chris. Anything wrong?"

"Not really. Well, actually yeah – but not the way you mean."

"Well, that clears things up."

"We need to talk."

Vin went still. "No – we don't." Chris said nothing. "Chris, really – I'm fine."

"The fact you went to defending yourself so fast tells me you are far from fine Vin."

"Look – JD misread the situation."

"JD is pretty sharp. I don't think he misread anything. Come on – let's take a walk. Ezra won't mind for a few minutes."

Knowing it was pointless to argue Vin fell into step behind. The two men relocated to the solarium down the hall. It was almost empty, and they moved to a secluded corner. Chris forced himself to be patient enough to allow Vin the time to come to his own realizations. It didn't take him too long to remember he was not by nature a patient man.

"Thought we agreed we are all in this together Vin. No one person is supposed to be carrying it alone."

"That ain't the problem."

"So what is?"

"Me."

"OK – gonna need a bit more than that."

"I just – it's just sometimes. Ah hell."

Chris once again forced patience on himself.

"I get so damn mad Chris."

"Is that all? Damn Vin, we're all mad. Mad at the situation, at the bastard's who did this, at the cops who came in sirens blaring, at the people in the store. Mad at each other a lot more than we should be too."

Vin looked surprised by that. "Why at each other. Didn't that all get talked out?"

"Talking and doing are two different beasts. People don't heal overnight, and there were some bad feeling buried between us. JD's mad at Buck for drinking. Buck's still mad at Josiah for leaving. Josiah's mad at Nathan for siding with the doctor's about Ezra's prognosis. They're all mad at me for trying to keep them at work. I'm mad at Judge Travis for not giving us work, and for trying to force a new undercover agent on us."

"What? When did that happen?"

"About a week ago he came to me saying there was a good man available, and he wanted to fill the void on the team."

"There's no void. Not while Ezra's still alive. That ain't right."

"Exactly what I told him. Took some doing, but he agreed to hold off, for now. But time will come."

"Yeah – I guess I knew that. But still hate it. Makes this all that much more real."

"That what's making you mad?"

"We can't fight with each other Chris. Everybody being mad is gonna break us apart. We're just starting to get it together."

"Thing is Vin, no one is really mad. Not at each other anyway. Frustrated maybe; tired, discouraged. Ezra'd be able to come up with the right word. We're really all just venting – same as you."

"No, not the same. Mine's worse." Chris arched an eyebrow in question. "It's him. I get so damn mad at him."

"At Ezra?"

"I'm mad ht him for picking me to do this – and yes, I know I agreed to it, and in fact put him in the exact same position. And I'm mad at him for not fighting; for just lying there. Mostly, I'm mad at him for getting hurt in the first place. Why the hell did he have to stop for more booze? We had enough, but no – he has to have the fancy stuff. Why'd he have to be there? Why'd he have to try to take down two heavily armed punks? Why'd he have to step into the line of fire?"

"You don't really need me to answer those last couple of questions, do you?"

Vin was fighting to calm himself, and quickly swiped away tears that were brushing his eyelashes.

"No, I don't. He did it because he's Ezra. But just this once, did he have to be SO damned Ezra? Why couldn't he have been the self-centred, spoiled, aloof loner version he always claims to be? Why'd he have to pick that moment to show his true colours?"

"Cause otherwise he wouldn't be Ezra, and we wouldn't be sitting here having this discussion."

"What kind of a man does it make me that I just want to shake some sense into him? Sit him up and yell at him to open his damn eyes?"

"Makes you his friend. His scared, tired, heartbroken friend. If it helps, I was mad at him too. He promised he'd stick around, and this all felt somehow like he was breaking his word. Doesn't matter that it makes no sense, it's how I felt. How I feel."

Vin actually smiled slightly. "Yeah, but Chris – you being mad at Ezra for something is just a natural state of affairs."

"He does have a talent for pushing my buttons." Chris agreed, hinting at a bit of a grin himself. And if it makes you feel better, Buck has ranted about the stupidity of stopping for booze a few times too. JD's mad at him for something in the letter that Ezra wants him to do. Won't tell us what."

"So I'm not the only one – everyone's mad at him."

"Yes – and no. It's the situation, the circumstances. We're mad we can't fix it, and Ezra is just the easiest target in all of it." He paused, looking away out the window for a moment. "You know what would make this so much easier?"

Vin shook his head.

"If we didn't care so damned much. If Ezra hadn't turned out to be such an important part of our off-beat family."

"Something else we can be mad at him for. Maybe we should go back to the room and let him know how pissed off we all are." Vin smiled fleetingly as he said it. "You know Chris, none of this changes the fact I'm still mad at him."

"No – you aren't."

Vin sighed. "No – guess I'm not."

 _3 weeks later_

"I did it Ezra – just like you asked. I guess it shouldn't have taken so long, but I just – well I guess I was scared. But when Casey started getting excited about being a bridesmaid for Raine I took that as a good sign. And since Valentine's Day was yesterday it seemed like a good idea. I guess I figured if you had the confidence in me to suggest it, then it had to work. You never make a bet you can't win. And you were right. She said yes. I'm getting married.

Wow – I'm getting married. Guess that means the guys can't call me Kid anymore. Nah – Buck'll never stop calling me Kid. We'll be retired and in rocking chairs and he'll still call me Kid. Hell, we'll be in some nursing ho – well, never mind. You get the idea. You didn't do that – call me Kid. At least not usually. You didn't treat me that way either. Always meant to thank you for that. I think seeing you treat me that way helped the rest of them see what they were doing. 'Cept Buck. Guess he just likes having a little brother to pick on. Can't say I mind having 6 older brothers for that matter. Kind of makes me feel – I don't know – protected. Not that I need looking after or anything. But it's good to know I've got folks watching out for me. Sounds kind of contradictory, but I think you get what I mean.

Anyway – Casey got real excited when I asked. Started talking about plans already. I think she's been thinking about this for a while. We haven't got a date yet but it won't be until after Nathan and Raine. Wouldn't be right to steal their thunder.

Haven't told anybody else yet. Wanted you to know first. Buck is gonna be mad about having to live alone again. Likes having someone to blame the mess on. Still, he's got time to get used to it. I won't be moving out until we're married. I know, kind of old-fashioned, but Casey wants it that way. Actually, her aunt Nettie wants it that way, and that is one lady I do not want to have angry with me.

Well, I should get going. You know what Chris gets like when we're late for work. Actually, you know that better than any of us. I'm gonna tell them all when I get to work. Can't wait to see their faces. Bucks gonna have kittens! I'll come back tonight and tell you all about it. You have a good day Ezra. And thanks for the advice." 

_Two weeks later_

Chris walked back to his office. The others would be arriving soon. At least those who were coming in today. Nathan was off, and had been for a few days, felled by a particularly nasty flu bug. He hated like hell being laid up, but was determined to get over this as quickly as possible. Time was running down, and he needed to be healthy for the team.

Vin wouldn't be in either. He'd let them know that for the next two weeks, he could be found at home, or with Ezra. Chris wasn't happy about that, worried what the added stress would do him, but he knew there was no changing his mind.

The door opened bringing the remaining three members in together. JD's enthusiastic grin seemed forced. Josiah headed straight to the coffee maker, grateful to see the pot was full, and even more grateful Vin hadn't made it.

"We won't be taking on anything new for the next couple of weeks. Didn't have to explain anything to the Judge. And he's cleared us for the two weeks after that as well. Anybody who wants to spend time at the ranch, either before or after is welcome to do so."

JD gave up the pretense and joined the other downhearted men. "Can't believe it's been six months already."

"Don't let Vin hear you say that. Not six months yet. There's still two weeks, and he's counting every second of them."

"I know Josiah, but still. It just doesn't seem real. Guess I kept hoping something was gonna happen. I knew it wouldn't. Couldn't. But still…" He looked at the others. "You never believed it, did you Chris?"

"I wanted to JD. God, I wanted to. I just have never been to good at fooling myself. And nobody has ever accused me of being an eternal optimist. That's more your style."

"Make it easier? I mean, you've been ready for this for 6 months – does that make this easier?"

"Nothing makes it easy Kid."

"Not a damn thing." Buck agreed. "Chris, were you able to track down Maude?" The growled 'yes' he got as a response pretty much told him all he needed to know. "So she won't be joining us."

Chris took a calming breath, which didn't work. "Said Ezra'd been dead to here for some time, even before this happened, and she wasn't going to pretend otherwise. I swear Buck, if I ever run into the woman again…"

"We'll all give you an alibi."

"I don't think I can be there." JD couldn't look at his friends as he made his admission. "I've been thinking about it, and I just don't think I can be there when he…"

"When he dies JD. It's ok to say it. And if you can't be there, that's OK too. Ezra knows how you feel about him. How we all do. You have to do what is right for you. I don't want to see it either, but I know it's where I need to be. But that's me." Chris put a hand on the young man's shoulder.

Josiah sat next to him. "I think it would help if you could be at the home if you can, but nobody's gonna force you into the room. And don't worry about Vin – he'll understand."

"Buck – you ok with me wimping out?"

A quick flash of irritation crossed the older man's face. "You're not wimping out JD. Next to Vin you've been with him more than any of us. Being brave isn't always about the obvious choice. I never have had, and never will have a problem with you being true to what you believe. You do whatever you need to get through this. We all will."

Chris nodded. "Like Josiah said, don't worry about Vin. He'll be too furious with me to have time to be bothered by what any of you do." They looked at him confused. "You can't be there at the end JD. I can't be there now. I can't sit with him watching the timer in my mind count down. Just about killed me going in there yesterday. Went home and polished off half a bottle of bourbon. Fought with myself about opening a new one. That's not doing anyone any good."

"Want me to talk to Vin for you? He might understand it better from me."

"Thanks Josiah, but nothing will make him understand. Not right now. He's too wired, to stressed about what he's about to have to do. I think at some level he never accepted it would come to this. I talked to him yesterday, before sitting with Ezra. We both got a little short with each other. It seemed to do him some good to vent a bit."

"Chris, it won't help to turn yourself into his punching bag on this. He'll hate you now, and himself later if you make yourself his target. I know – I went through it with you a few years back." Buck had taken on most of Chris's wrath after losing his wife and son, and it took some time for the two of them to work themselves back to where they'd started.

"We ended up better friends for all the effort though, didn't we?"

"Yeah – but it was a miracle we didn't kill each other first. And you and Vin don't have the history the two of us did."

Josiah stepped up. "I'm gonna talk to him one way or the other Chris. Not just for your sake, but for his. Like Buck said, in the long run, he's gonna need all of us, you included, and if he thinks he treated you bad now, he won't turn to you later. We don't need to be making this more difficult than it is. And to state the obvious, Ezra wouldn't want us falling apart again. We've made it this far – we can make it through the rest together."

JD smiled sadly. "The seven of us can get through anything together. Yes – seven. Ezra's always gonna be one of us. This doesn't change that."

Buck put his hand on the young agent's shoulder. "Gonna count on you reminding us of that when we need it Kid."

"Buck?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't call me Kid."

"OK. Kid."

 **TBC**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	8. Farewell

_2 weeks later_

Four heads turned in reaction to his arrival. They were spread around the room, all close to the bed, but only one actually beside it. Vin sat in the chair close to Ezra's head, speaking softly. He alone failed to react to Chris's entrance. Josiah pushed himself off the wall he'd been leaning on and walked toward the final arrival. It wasn't until the two men stood side by side that he realized he had no idea what to say. Chris smiled sadly at him, acknowledging the emotional strain, then moved closer to the bed.

"Vin?"

"Really Chris – you can't even be bothered to say hello to our host first?" The bitterness was clear in his voice. "Seems like it's the least you could do."

"Vin, don't make this worse than it is. None of us want to be here."

"Yeah – I know. Bein' here is something you've avoided as much as possible lately."

Buck started to responded, but Chris silenced him with a look. "You know that's not what I meant." He watched as the fight drained from his friend.

"I know Chris – I'm sorry." The voice was barely a whisper. "It's just – this ain't right. It doesn't feel right." Chris moved forward to reach the bed and pulled up a chair to sit opposite to Vin.

"You're not wrong there. Nothing about this has been right from the start. He shouldn't be here. None of us should have to be here with him now, not like this."

"It's not time Chris. Still too early in the day."

"Your gonna play this down to the last letter of the law, aren't you."

"We made the promise to each other. Six months. It's not time yet." Vin sat back in the chair, closing his eyes for a moment. "Not yet."

Chris settled in his seat as well. "No, not quite yet."

They sat quietly for the next few hours. A few words were spoken, but softly and with no real interest in creating a conversation. From time to time a staff member would enter the room, usually turning away quickly on seeing the tableau of sadness.

The only other disruption to the silence came from the buzzing of Nathan's cell phone. He left the room briefly, coming back in with the first genuine smile of the day. "Jacob Ezra Daniels has made his entry into the world. Patricia gave birth to a healthy perfect baby boy about an hour ago. That was her husband in the phone."

"That's great." Chris voiced, as Josiah chuckled softly. All heads turned to him.

"Sorry – it's just that in many cultures they believe when a spirit leaves its body it can re-join the world by entering the body of a newborn."

Nathan caught on and grinned widely. "So you're think Ezra might have found himself a new home?" Josiah merely shrugged.

"If you're right," Buck added, trying not to laugh, "the Daniels are in for one interesting child rearing experience."

"Amen to that brother."

Shortly after 1:00 Ezra's doctor came in. He nodded at the others, but went directly to Vin's side pulling up a chair to sit next to him.

"I'm sorry Mr. Tanner. It's the agreed upon time." Vin simply nodded. "I'm going to have someone come in now to detach the support systems. You don't need to stay in the room."

"Yes I do. I made a promise."

"I'm sure he would understand."

"Thanks Doc, but I promised. I need to be here."

"He won't die alone Doc. We're staying with him." Vin looked at Chris gratefully.

"We're all staying." JD added.

Buck looked at him in surprise. "You sure Kid?"

"Absolutely. I have to be here for him, for all of you. For me too."

Buck nodded. "Guess you're right." JD tilted his head, puzzled. "I need to stop calling you Kid."

The doctor left, and a few moments lighter there was a soft knock at the door. They all watched quietly as the technician efficiently went about her business. In just a matter of moments Ezra had been disconnected from all that had been keeping him with them. She placed her hand on his briefly before she left, looking over to Vin. "He must have been very special to have such magnificent friends."

"You have no idea."

Chris looked at the men he had come to accept as brothers. All seemed lost in their own worlds, not willing to, not ready, to deal with the moment at hand. He felt he should be saying something, but had no idea what it should be. Apparently, he was not alone.

"You know," Nathan broke the silence, "Ezra would know exactly what to say right now."

"Yeah," Buck agreed. "And he's have damned fancy way to say it too."

JD walked up to the bed. "Doesn't matter what happens to me for the rest of my life Ezra. I'm never gonna forget you. Never gonna forget all you taught me." He turned and moved to the window, his back to the room, unable to watch the process. Buck moved quietly to him and place an arm around his shoulder.

"Buck?" He continued when he got a nod. "Think maybe I'd like you to keep calling me Kid – at least for a while. I think I need a big brother now." Buck squeezed the shoulder a little tighter.

"You got one Kid – you got a bunch of them."

Josiah closed his eyes, trying to bring a prayer to mind, and to his heart. Still not entirely certain of the value of the effort, he mumbled softly. "Take care of him Lord, he was one of your best. We need him more than you do, but guess you don't see it that way." He looked over to Ezra. "Bet you never expected to become anyone's guardian angel, did you son?"

Nathan had tried to keep a professional detachment through all of this. He had enough medical knowledge to understand what was be happening, and had decided as he lay awake a 3:00 that morning, that a little knowledge was a shitty thing to have. His detachment didn't last long as he fought back the tears, looking away from the reason. He couldn't find the way to voice his feelings.

Chris had moved to the chair vacated by the doctor, needing to be near Vin right now. He watched his men, feeling ridiculously proud as one of the worst moments of his life unfolded in front of him. Despite the heart-wrenching pain of the moment, of the last 6 months, they were all here – together. This was going to hurt them; it was going to change them. But he now knew with certainty, it was not going to end them.

He was sufficiently lost in thought that he jumped when he felt Vin grab onto his arm. "It's over" he thought to himself, as he looked to his friend. Vin hadn't taken his eyes from Ezra, and Chris knew he was going to see a lot of hurt there now. Instead, he saw shock and confusion as the younger man was staring, wide eyed at the bed, trying to speak. As Chris turned to follow the gaze, Vin found his voice. "Nathan, get the doctor back here."

They all turned to him, and imitating Chris's reaction, looked to the bed.

Ezra was awake.

 **TBC?**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_

 **Of course TBC!**


	9. Chapter 9

**SIX WEEKS IN THE LIFE OF…**

It felt like swimming in molasses. Not that he'd ever done that, but he was reasonable certain it was a valid comparison.

Everything was in slow motion. He thought his eyes were open. His vision was blurred – no, that wasn't accurate. Foggy was closer, but that still wasn't right. Damn, he was usually much better than this as finding the right word. He processed through his other senses, and was a bit concerned to realize none of them were particularly sharp. Sound barely filtered through the cotton that seemed to be in his ears. He had a faint sense of an unpleasantly familiar smell, but couldn't quite figure out what it was. That molasses sensation extended to his sense of touch, not able to discern what he was feeling beneath his fingertips. He couldn't tell if taste was affected, but since everything else was turned down, he had no doubt that was off line as well. This wasn't good.

The anxious tension increased as the blurring cleared enough to see a light in the distance. Oh no. He was not going to go toward any light. He'd heard the accounts, the clichéd "go into the light" moment of death stories. He had no intention of taking that path.

Still, it did look pleasant enough. And warm. He could feel a cozy warmth emanating as well. Oh – Hell. Literally. No, not going toward that light. Probably cast by the fire and brimstone. Well, Ezra Standish was not ready for that yet. Still far too many experiences awaiting him in the land of the living, thank you kindly. He'd come back in – oh, a few decades. Make that several decades. Nope – not doing it now.

So, focus on living. That means breathing for a start. OK, doing that. Not well, but doing it. Probably be easier if he could figure out just what was going on. Well, easiest way to do that would be to opening his eyes for real, and not accept the mind's eye view he'd been dealing with up until now. That shouldn't be too hard. Something he did all the time. OK, open up. Come on.

He was surprised by how bright it was. He tried to blink, but his brain didn't want to turn thoughts to action. A moment later his eyes began to adjust to the light. He could see shapes around him. Not moving, almost statue like. Oh, wait. Now they were moving. Frantically. They were talking. He could see they were talking, but couldn't hear anything. Of course, that could be because of the cotton in his ears. Concentrating on that, he began to hear faint sounds. He calmed a little as he recognized the voices. They were here. His friends were here. He had no idea exactly where 'here' was, but he wasn't alone. That realization seemed to be enough to clear much of the remaining fog from his brain.

"Ezra – can you hear me Ezra." "Please Pard, give us a sign here. Let us know this is the real deal." "Please dear Lord, let this be true." "Holy crap – he's awake!"

Yes, it sounded like they all were there. At least he knew Nathan, Vin, Josiah and JD were present. He hadn't heard Chris or Buck, but the number of shapes in the room suggested they were part of the mix as well.

"Mr. Standish?" Nope – didn't know that voice at all. "Mr. Standish, my name is Doctor Roberts. Can you hear me? Can you understand me?"

"Well of course I can." He tried to answer, but realized no sound had come out. That was the first time he noticed that his throat felt dry. Come to think of it, his whole body felt a bit dehydrated. And weak. And tired. Maybe he should rest just a bit more before trying to deal with all of this.

"No Ezra, stay awake. Open your eyes for us again." Chris was there, and was all but pleading with him. Clearly this was of great importance to them. He forced his eyes open again, and saw six stunned faces staring back.

"What the hell Nathan?"

They'd been ushered unceremoniously out of the room as medical staff took over. Now the men sat in stunned disbelief in the solarium down the hall from Ezra's room, watching for someone to come with news.

"You got me Chris. There is no way that should have happened. It makes no sense whatsoever. You got a theory there Josiah?"

"Could be the Lord is trying to restore my faith. Either that or He heard me sayin' we need Ezra more than He does. Other than that – beats the hell out of me."

"I don't care. I could not possibly care less about how it happened, or why. We got him back." JD was barely able to contain himself. He wanted to dance in the streets and shout from the roof tops. "We got him back." He repeated. "I gotta tell Casey." He reached for his phone but was stopped by Buck's hand.

"She'll have a million questions that we can't answer yet. Let's hold off on sharing this till we know what's going on. Till we know if he's really back."

JD didn't want to accept what was being suggested. "Course he's back Buck. You saw him."

"Saw him, but that's all. He didn't speak, didn't seem to know us. We just don't know what's going on."

"When did you become the team pessimist? Thought that was my title."

"It's not that Chris. I'm just – I can't get my hopes up. Not until it's real. If I start thinking this is all good, and they tell us otherwise. For months they've been saying he wasn't there, and now he wakes up. I don't think I can handle another let-down."

"It's real Buck." Vin spoke for the first time. "Don't ask me how I know, but I do. It's real. It may take a while for him to be the Ezra we know, but this is real."

"It would seem you're right Mr. Tanner." Dr. Roberts entered the room. "No, please. Sit down everyone. You can see him, but give me a few minutes first." They all reluctantly returned to their seats.

"He has regained consciousness, and seems to be responsive to stimuli. His eyes follow movement, and he reacts to sound. He wasn't able to answer any questions, but that isn't in and of itself conclusive of anything. There is a lot of trauma for his mind to process, and that may well take some time. And the fact he hasn't spoken for months will make him a little rusty as well.

His reflexes are slow, which isn't a surprise. Even with the therapy Mr. Tanner has been so diligent about, there is still atrophy to deal with. And there was a small stroke when all of this started, which may be factoring into the sluggish response." He paused looking at the focused faces staring back at him.

"OK – the million dollar questions. Why did he wake up, and why now? I can't answer either one. I have no idea. I can make some suppositions, really educated guesses."

"So guess." Chris spoke.

"He has been healing, slowly, without our awareness of it. The respirator, the feeding tubes, everything we were doing to support him may well have been serving to keep him from having to wake up. His body registered that he didn't need to do anything but recover, and therefore, he slept. Deeply."

"Well, sleeping in always was something he excelled at." Buck grinned. Everything that was being said was starting to melt away the doubts.

"Gentlemen, I wish I could give you the answers you want. This is every bit as surprising to me as it is to all of you. I've called Dr. Taylor for a consultation. You may recall he was Mr. Standish's physician at the hospital when the diagnosis was made. Very few men in the country would be better suited to review the case with me. And if I need to, I'll consult with them as well.

Bottom line here; Mr. Standish is conscious. He is not merely awake, he is, at a basic level, aware. Over the next few hours and days I expect that awareness to continue to increase. How far it will extend, I can't say. No one can at this point. My advice is to keep doing what you've been doing. Someone should be with him as much as possible. Talk to him. Remind him of who you are, who he is. Be patient. As he wakes further, this is going to be difficult for him to accept. I would suggest you not let on to him how badly he was hurt, or how long he was in coma. At least not right away."

"He's going to want to know, and he is not easily fooled or distracted."

"I understand that Mr. Larabee, but it really is in his best interest to keep shocks to a minimum at the moment. Same for noise or confusion. You are all overwhelmed by this. Imagine how he will feel. Excitement won't help him right now. A calm, soothing, comforting presence is what he needs from all of you."

"Not exactly our strong suit, but we can do it for him. Right JD?" Buck looked to his enthusiastic friend. JD realized they were all looking at him.

"What, you think I can't stay calm?" They continued to watch him. "Fine. I'll figure something out."

"Can we see him now?" Chris was more anxious than he realized to get back into the room.

"Go down to the cafeteria – get yourselves something. Come back in half an hour and we'll be ready for you."

"Thanks Doc."

"Don't thank me gentlemen. I had nothing to do with this. You, all of you, did this for him."

"Nah, we helped," Buck said, "but we should have known. Ezra's just too damn stubborn to die."

It was quiet again. And the room was a little darker than it had been before, which was much easier on his eyes. He looked around as much as was possible without moving. He didn't feel quite up to trying that yet. There were two people in the room, both near the bed. He worked on focusing and determined it was Vin and Josiah. The bigger man was slouched down, possibly sleeping, in the chair furthest from him. He switched his attention to the other chair, and realized Vin was leaning in now, staring back at him.

"You awake this time Ezra? You with me?"

He tried to speak, but found he still couldn't seem to get the actions together. Concentrating the effort, he tried to nod, and was enormously pleased with himself when his line of vision shifted enough to show he'd been successful. Further evidence came with the enormous sigh and face breaking smile from Vin.

"Damn Pard – it's so good to see you. I know your probably a bit confused."

 _A bit?_ Ezra thought. _Try totally perplexed, confounded or mystified. Oh good, my vocabulary is returning._

"For now, all you need to know is you were hurt pretty bad, and had us all damn scared for a while. But looks like you beat the odds again. Course we should have known you would. Always do."

"I take it our drowsy companion has rejoined us Vin?" Josiah leaned closer. Ezra was gratified to feel his hand enveloped in that of the bigger man. "Welcome back son. Hope you're planning on staying with us for a bit." Ezra tried to smile, and wasn't entirely certain of his success. He did know it was getting harder to keep his eyes open. "No, don't fight it. You're still pretty tired. We understand. You go ahead and sleep if you need to. Someone is going to be here every time you wake up. You just do what you need, we'll take care of everything else."

He could feel both men holding onto him as he drifted off again.

It went on like that for the next few days. One or two of them with him at all times. A reclining chair was brought into the room, so someone could spend the night as well. They'd already cleared their work schedule, so right now the biggest challenge for each man was staying away from Ezra. Fear of overwhelming him was the only thing keeping the team from setting up a full time camp-out in his room.

Ezra would drift in and out of sleep. He continued to react to their presence, appearing less anxious with each new round of consciousness. He seemed to be listening to their stories, vague in nature though they were, and slowly starting to come to an initial understanding of his situation.

On the fifth morning, Chris arrived carrying a tray of coffee and bag of pastries. Vin had spent the night, and was clearly happy to see breakfast arriving.

"How's our boy this morning?"

"Still asleep. Had a quiet night. Only a bit restless around 3."

"Did you get much sleep?"

"Some." Vin stretched as he stood. "Think I will go home and try to get a couple more hours though."

"Bout time you started taking care of yourself." Buck smiled when he saw the donut in Chris's hand. "Guess you guys don't need these." He raised his own bag of breakfast treats.

Vin grabbed them out of his hand, grinning. "That's OK – I'll enjoy these a little later."

"Pretty fast reflexes from a man with no sleep." Buck growled. Vin nodded, grin widening.

"Water." The word was barely whispered from the bed, but the three men all spun to look at the speaker.

"Now Ezra, you best not be playing with us here. You asking for something?" Buck took a step closer.

A hint of a smile came to his face and he spoke again. "Water – please." The voice was raw from his dry throat, and rusty from 6 months of silence, but a sweeter sound had never been heard.

"Absolutely Pard." Chris had already poured a glass full, place a straw in it before handing it to Vin. "Can you sip it, or do you want me to help you sit up a bit?"

There was an anxious moment of silence while Ezra concentrated on forming the word.

"Sit – please."

A few minutes and several pillows later, he was propped up. Vin continued to hold the glass as Ezra remained too weak to support even that weight. But they all smiled as he drank, relishing the first signs of normalcy they'd had. Buck wasn't the least bit subtle in pulling out his cell phone to photograph the moment for posterity, and sending it to the absent friends. The immediate comments of elation from the others spurred Chris to send his own message, reminding them not to invade. He was ignored.

Within the hour everyone had appeared. Chris stationed himself by the door, issuing stern warnings to each arrival that they were to remain calm and quiet, not exciting or agitating Ezra in any way.

"Damn Chris! Is that what I sound like when I get all mother-hen on you guys?" Nathan grinned. "Nice to not be the bad guy for a change." He got nothing more than the patented Larabee glare a response, so held up his hands in mock surrender. "OK, OK – I promise to behave as well as the rest of you do when I ask." The glare somehow became even more intense. Nathan fought back the grin, but as he neared the bed, it returned full force.

"Well you look a damn sight better than the last time I was here. Got yourself one bad case of bed head though. Never seen you with your hair so untidy. Oh, look at that Chris. Ezra can glare almost as well as you do!"

Dr. Roberts was once again stunned by the rate of recovery his patient was showing. As the day progressed, his speech had become more fluent, with short, albeit choppy sentences now being the norm. The voice remained extremely raspy, but even that had begun to soften. The following day he sat next to the bed, still shaking his head in disbelief.

"Mr. Standish, I'd like to say you are a marvel of modern medicine, but I can't help but believe you and your friends had far more to do with this recovery than did any treatments we have provided. I know you have a lot of questions, and I assure you we'll do our best to provide you with answers."

"Want home."

"I don't doubt that either. Both Mr. Larabee and Mr. Tanner warned me you would be reluctant to remain here a moment longer than needed. I do think you should stay with us for a bit longer however. You are still quite weak, and I think avoiding a relapse of any kind would be in everyone's best interest."

Ezra looked over to Chris, who had just returned for the evening. "Ranch?" He got a puzzled look in response. "Can I stay at Ranch?"

"You kidding me? That was always the plan. Once the Doc gives the all clear we'll have you set up in no time. What about it Doc? How long?"

"There is still a long road to recovery Mr. Larabee."

"Yeah, but I imagine he'll do a lot better someplace he feels more comfortable."

Dr. Roberts wasn't at all sure this was a good idea. They hadn't even told Ezra all the details of his condition, and the therapy, both physical and psychological, was going to be an ongoing process for some time to come.

"Trust me Doc." Chris could almost read the man's mind. "We can arrange anything he needs. Nobody could be taking better care of him."

Ezra seethed quietly on the bed. He resented being spoken about instead of being spoken to. It was bad enough he had basically pleaded with Chris for a place to get away from here, now he had to listen to others debate his future. He bristled at the idea that anyone would be taking care of him, especially as it sounded like a long term plan.

Yet, putting his ego and pride aside, he knew this was the only option. It took no thought whatsoever for him to realize he was a long way from healthy. Even minor movements still exhausted him, and that was after sleeping about 20 hours each day. The only saving grace had been the slow return of his speech. It was nowhere near being up to his standards, but at least he could make himself understood, and that was an enormous relief.

There was no doubt in his mind that they all wondered why he had not yet asked the obvious. So far, a week after waking up, he'd asked no questions, shown no apparent interest in knowing what had happened to him. He'd been able to make a few assumptions on his own. His weakened condition and raw voice told him that he'd been out for a while. There was no memory of being hurt, or becoming ill, and he still had no certainty as to why he was here, in a convalescent home and not in a hospital bed. But, for reasons he didn't fully understand, he was reluctant to ask them for the answers.

"Ezra – that sound OK to you?"

Damn. He'd let his mind wander again. What plans had they formulated while he mused on his life?

"You stay here 5 or 6 more days." Chris repeated. When the bedridden man's reaction was less than thrilled, an explanation was added. "We need the time to get things ready for you at the ranch. Soon as that's done, you'll be outta here. No offense Doc."

Ezra signed and nodded. "Be OK. Just five."

"You just keep getting better and you'll be seeing Chaucer before you know it." He knew that would get a smile from the man, and he was right.

 **TBC**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	10. Chapter 10

**_SIX WEEKS IN THE_** ** _LIFE_** ** _OF…_**

The drive to the ranch presented its own set of challenges. Ezra became quite defensive about the idea of travelling by ambulance, even though he knew holding himself up seated for that long was unrealistic.

"If you want to get out there, you have to agree."

"Not an invalid Nathan. I don't need an…" he paused to focus, "an ambulance."

"I know you're not an invalid," Nathan patience was being sorely tested, "but unless you have a better idea, this is how we have to do things."

"Want to walk out of here."

"Not happening Ezra – it's barely been two weeks. I know you're feeling stronger, but that just not happening yet. You need the chair, and will for a bit longer. You fall and bust something, it'll only slow the whole process down." Nathan got no response other that a low growl.

His joy at leaving was tempered by the circumstance, but he did rally himself to turn on the charm for the staff he was leaving behind. Each of them had received warmest thanks and farewells on his final day there. No one could quite believe this was how he was leaving them – on the road to recovery.

The pout on his face was replaced by disbelieving pleasure as Buck pulled up in an SUV. "Somebody here call for a ride?" he teased. "Welcome to your chariot." He opened the back door to reveal a special designed support seat. "This should give you everything you need to keep you safe and comfy for the ride."

"You didn't buy this just for me?"

"Nah - Dr. Roberts told me where I could get my hands on one of these. We've got it leased for a month so that you can get around when you want to. Sorry Ezra, but for the moment we're gonna have to help you in and out."

"Quite acceptable Buck. More than grateful for the lift."

Josiah and Buck helped him get settled, and Nathan climbed into the back seat beside him. "JD, Chris and Vin are out at the ranch already." Josiah saw the slightly apprehensive look on Ezra's face. "Don't worry about anything son. You don't have to do anything you're not feeling up to. We're going to have a bit of a celebration, and just knowing you're in the house will be enough for us."

"No – I'll be fine. Not tired." Less than two minutes later he was asleep, and remained that way for the duration of the trip, waking only when Josiah transferred him to his wheelchair. He scowled at it, but voiced no objection.

"Welcome to your home away from home Ezra. I know you'd rather be on your own but for now-"

"No Chris – I'm indebted to you for this. All of this. More than I can say."

"No debt Ezra – it's what friends do. No – it's what family does. Come on, let's get you settled."

"Please – one favour first?" Chris didn't need to ask what it was.

"JD is taking care of it right now. I'll take you 'round back." He wheeled the chair around the house and they all got to see Ezra face light up at the sight of Chaucer waiting for him. JD let go of the bridle and the horse was across the yard in an instant. He stopped beside the chair, lowering his head to nuzzle into his owner's neck. "Oh, my friend, I have missed you." He leaned against the horse for a few minutes, trying to contain his emotions.

"Come on Ezra," Vin squatted beside the chair. "Think you need to get inside and get settled in. JD will keep an eye on Chaucer a little longer for you. Two of them seem to be getting along just fine."

"Yes – he looks well cared for. Thank you, JD, – for everything."

The younger man smile. "Loved doin' it Ezra. That is one fine beast you got. Missed you something fierce. Here, you might want to give him this." He slipped a mint into Ezra's hand, and watched with great satisfaction as the horse gently took it.

His room rivaled that of any care facility. A hospital bed, physio equipment, and even an intercom system set up. Chris had even converted the shower to be wheelchair accessible, since standing for any length of time remained a challenge. To keep him occupied there was a large screen TV with every imaginable accessory. His stereo unit was set up as well, with headphones to spare the others his musical preferences. Most to his liking the tablet sitting next to his bed. While still in his room at long term care facility he'd discovered he was far too weak and tired hold onto a book for any time at all. JD quickly clued in to the problem, and the next day presented him with a lighter tablet loaded with the same books, including audio options for most of them. The simple kindness of the action almost brought a tear to Ezra, and he fought to hide that as he expressed his gratitude.

They'd had a much quieter celebration than planned, as Ezra slept through until early evening. They held off on dinner until he could join them, or more accurately they could join him, crowding into his room so he wouldn't have to stir from his comfort. As much as he appreciated the gesture, he found the space becoming claustrophobic quickly.

"Please –Chris. I'd like to see the stars. Need to be outside."

After a quick look to Nathan, whose nod indicated it likely wouldn't be a problem and everyone scattered to make preparations. When Josiah moved over to lift Ezra from his bed, the younger man shook his head. "Just help. Want to try to move some on my own." At Josiah's concerned look, he bristled slightly. "Have to start some time. Feel rested now." Reluctantly, the big man held out his arms to give Ezra something to grab onto. He pulled himself up slowly, grabbing on with what strength he could find as he swung his legs over the side, and lowered himself till his feet hit the floor. His legs felt like rubber as he shifted himself around to the chair, and it took every fibre of energy he had to move into position. He would have collapsed into the seat had Josiah not taken over and lowered him more gently, all the while trying to make Ezra think he was doing it himself.

"Well," he let out an exhausted sigh, "that was not precisely what I had anticipated, but I do applaud you for keeping my ass off the floor." He looked at his friend. "Perhaps I'll let you do the lifting when it's time to get back in there."

"Not a problem." Josiah wore a satisfied smile as he manoeuvred Ezra out to the patio.

They sat in companionable silence as Ezra stared at the night sky for several minutes before lowering his gaze and meeting Chris's eyes.

"How long has it been since I've seen the stars Chris?"

He hadn't been expecting the question that night, but had determined when it was asked, he be honest.

"All told, roughly 6 months." The others watched Ezra, waiting for a reaction, and ready to step in if it was bad.

"My word. I knew it had to have been some time, but that long?"

"You ok Pard?" Ezra shrugged slightly. "Do you remember what happened?" A quick shake of the head was the only response. "You want to know?"

"I do. Just give me a moment. Nathan, I know the answer, but have to ask. Might I have a small shot of brandy? It's been a while."

He knew he should say no. Ezra was still on some medications; none for pain, none narcotic, but still not the best time to add alcohol to his system. He'd eaten little, and wasn't ready yet. Alcohol was not going to be a solution to anything. Nathan knew all of that as he stood up and walked over to the outside bar, grabbed a glass and pour a half shot for the man.

Ezra took in gratefully in a shaky hand, and slowly sipped. A small smile crossed his face, and with the second sip, spread wide enough to show them all the trademark gold sparkle once again. "Nectar of the gods."

"Savour it Ezra. Be a while until you get another."

"Hopefully not six additional months. Understood Nathan. And thank you." Nate nodded his acknowledgement.

"Was anyone else hurt when – it happened."

"Thanks to you, just that bad guys." Chris smiled at him.

"You played hero again – you have got to learn to duck better if you're gonna keep doing that son."

"I think Josiah, it would be wiser if I stopped doing it."

"But you won't." Ezra again shrugged.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Vin looked at him intently. Ezra was quiet for a couple of minutes.

"We'd finished a case – in fact a couple I think. We were planning a bit of relaxation. I was on my way to the ranch." His forehead creased as he tried to recall more detail, but nothing would come to him. They could see the strain of the discussion starting to show on his face. "We should to talk about this later." Vin put his hand on Ezra's. "You don't need to be tiring yourself out on the first day home."

"No, I need to know. I feel like I am living in a haze. I think I stopped for some reason.

Liquor!" He looked at the now empty glass in his hand. "I stopped for some decent libations. There was a fool robbing the place. No, two. Sirens. I remember sirens. They panicked." Ezra was lost in the moment as the memory flooded back.

 _"_ _Hardly the selection I was hoping for, but then again, what can one expect from a roadside liquor establishment" Ezra thought while scanning over the shelves for a suitable selection. He knew his compatriots would be drinking beer for most of the weekend, and the Chris would have an admirable selection available. But for evenings by the fire, something more subtle was required. A fine brandy, a smooth Kentucky bourbon, or a blended scotch whisky. The options in from this vendor were severely limited for all of the above. Given his choice, he'd be picking up Remy Martin, Four Roses, The Glenlivet Single Malt, or Dewars. However, here it looked like he'd be settling for more pedestrian options. He should have dipped into his private stock, but hadn't expected to be so disappointed in his search._

 _It was when he turned toward the cash he realized disappointing spirits would be the least of his concerns today. He was staring at a gun pointed in his direction, with another aimed at the terrified cashier. The other three store customers were equally frozen in place._

 _"_ _Nobody moves – nobody dies!"_

 _Just what he needed to hear – bad movie dialogue. Clearly these hooligans were not functioning to full capacity. The guns shook in their hands, and their inability to stay still showed both nerves and what was likely an overdose of some substance. "Drugs and stupid do seem to go hand in hand" he thought._

 _Ezra tried to keep a calm look on his face, while silently cursing himself out. His weapon was locked in the car, and the small back-up gun at his ankle was not exactly accessible at the moment. With luck, the money would be handed over, the idiots robbing the place would take flight and he could pursue them without endangering anyone. Luck was not on his side today. He heard the sirens closing in, as did the gunmen._

 _"_ _Shit Tommy – the cops. SHIT!"_

 _"_ _We got hostages – we'll be fine. Don't worry –we'll get even more now!"_

 _No one moved as they watched police car sliding into the parking lot. The arrival of a second car sent the thieves into panic mode._

 _Fools. Ezra wasn't entirely sure whether this word was aimed at the stoned thieves or the police officers who were making their intention of charging the building so apparent._

 _"_ _They're coming in!" Ezra made his move when the gun which had been pointed in his general direction swung around to take aim at the door. As the other thief reached for a woman by the cash started pulling her near, Ezra leapt toward him, throwing the bottle of bourbon at the other man to distract him. With his now freed hand he grabbed the intended shield, pulling her behind him as he reached out to block the gunman's hand. They were instantly in a clinch, grappling for control of the weapon. Ezra's hand grabbed the barrel, registering immediately it was a smaller caliber that the other weapon had been. That thought struck him at the same moment the first bullet did. He fought the instinctive reaction of letting go, even as he felt the gun fire several more times. With the will of a last act, he turned the weapon as he fell, directing the last shot into the neck of the assailant, and both bodies fell to the ground._

 _He didn't know what had happened to the other robber, or to anyone else in the store. He couldn't see or hear anything going on around him anymore. He had a vague sense of hands moving over him, pressing against what he knew were mortal wounds. His last thought as he closed his eyes was that the rest of the team was going to have to settle for just beer this weekend._

Josiah tried not to run as he carried Ezra back to his room. Nathan had already gone ahead and was starting up the oxygen tank next to the bed. It was there to help with sleeping problems, but now had a more pressing purpose. The flashback had led to a panic attack. The weakened man was hyperventilating, struggling to get air, and at the same time trying to fight the hands that sought to comfort him. Josiah had scooped him out of the chair, pressing Ezra gently to his chest, smothering any movements he tried to make.

A moment later he was stretched out on the bed with the oxygen mask in place, and six sets of hands trying to hold him without hurting or distressing him further. It took several anxious minutes for the attack to start to fade, and several more for Ezra's breathing to return to normal. Gradually, he calmed and the others were able to relax their hold on him, though none were ready to break contact entirely. Finally, Nathan took the oxygen mask away.

Ezra was mortified by his actions, and could not bring himself to open his eyes to see the disappointment and disgust he expected to encounter. The breakdown was embarrassing. They had all been in the line of fire before; they had all been wounded before. What had transpired in the last few minutes was simply an inexcusable display of weakness.

"Gentlemen, I cannot begin-"

"Don't even think about it Standish." Chris's voice growled. "I know that look and you have nothing to apologize for."

"Ezra? Pard? Look at me." Vin's voice was unbelievably soft in comparison to Larabee's. "Ezra, that wasn't a request. Look at me. Look at us."

Reluctantly the southerner opened his eyes. Whatever he had been expecting to see, it wasn't there. Six faces looked at him. All he could read on them was concern, compassion and understanding.

"You've got a lot to process, and you're not exactly at your physical peak right now. Not one of us is gonna blame you for anything that you say or do that helps you get through this. We are here for you – no judgement, no criticisms. You understand?"

Ezra allowed his gaze to drift over each man. None of them said a word, but their faces spoke volumes. Slowly, Ezra nodded, not yet trusting himself to speak.

"OK then. Got that all straightened out." Buck was grinning as if the last 20 minutes had never happened. "Since you look so comfy all settled into those pillows I think we oughtta let you get a good sleep for the night. I will be making my famous flapjacks for breakfast, so I expect you to avoid sleeping in until noon." He was pleased to get a slight smile and a nod as response.

Nathan pulled a seat near to the bed, indicating his intention to make sure his patient stayed calm falling asleep. "Buck's right – everybody out. I'll join you all in a few minutes."

As they turned to leave Ezra reached out and weakly grabbed at Chris's arm, causing the man to turn back immediately and step closer. "What do you need Ezra?"

"The others – the woman?" He was almost afraid to ask, but had to know.

"Like I said before Ezra – nobody but you got hurt. And the bad guys – they got dead. The lady in question would really like to see you when you're feeling up to it."

"Hardly necessary."

"It'd make her feel better. Think it would be good for you too." Ezra looked up and could see a hint of a gleam in their leader's eye.

"I do believe you are keeping secrets Mr. Larabee. You know I abhor secrets."

"Unless they're your own. Don't worry **Mr.** Standish." Ezra grinned at the small dig. "It'll be a pleasant little surprise."

With that he turned and followed the others who had already departed to leave the man in peace and quiet.

"Don't worry Ezra, I'm not babysitting you. Just want to make sure everything is set up in here for the night."

"A transparent lie Nathan, but I shall accept it in the spirit intended." Ezra's eyes were closed as he finished the thought, and the gently rhythmic breathing that followed a moment later showed sleep was fast in coming.

 **TBC**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	11. Chapter 11

**_SIX WEEKS IN THE_** ** _LIFE_** ** _OF…_**

The morning brought the promised flapjacks, along with enough side dishes to feed a small army. The men had no trouble making fast work of all of it. Ezra had toyed with his food, eating barely a quarter of what was on his plate. When he realized he was once again being scrutinized he sighed slightly.

"It is hard to believe any of you can work an undercover assignment. Your subtly is non-existent."

"That could be 'cause we aren't aiming for subtle. You feeling OK?"

"Yes Josiah, I feel fine. Frustratingly tired, but fine. How I can be so perpetually exhausted when I have done nothing in days – make that months – is beyond my comprehension."

"That's exactly why you're tired. Your body isn't used to having to do much more than breath, and even that you were getting help with. It's gonna take a while to get that energy back, and then to get yourself back in shape."

"Be even worse if Vin hadn't been giving you all those muscle massages and physical therapy the whole time." JD looked up from shoveling the last forkful of his flapjacks to his mouth as he realized the room had gone quiet. Five faces glared at him, while one stared open mouthed. Ezra Standish near speechless was a rare sight.

"Muscle massages?" Ezra finally sputtered out.

Vin's glare to JD intensified. The young man continued to look puzzled, but answered Ezra when he realized no one else seemed inclined to do so.

"Well yeah. He was there every day anyway so figured he could take care of that stuff for you. What?" Vin had gone beyond glare into a murderous scowl.

" **IF** I'd wanted him to know about that, I would have said something JD."

"Well how was I supposed to know if was some kind of secret. It's not like I told him Josiah quit or anything." He was silent for a second. "Crap."

"Crap indeed JD. Anything else you want to say?"

"Nah Chris – think that covers it."

"You sure – maybe about Buck's dr-"

"Chris shut up!" Buck interrupted.

"Everyone please – cease." Ezra had recovered his speech but was clearly in shock. He spoke softly, but the intensity cut though all the commotion. "I think gentlemen, we need to have a conversation. Clearly there are some events you have not felt the need to share with me. I think that oversight needs to be addressed."

"Ezra, you're really not up to this yet."

"Bullshit." They were all caught off guard by the crude response from the generally urbane speaker. "You have been telling me since I revived that I can't handle things, and I will grant you that last night I reacted poorly to the flood of memories. But I survived, and I will survive any future revelations. What I cannot accept is this secrecy, this concealment. I want to – hell, I need to know what transpired during my involuntary absence." No one made a move to respond. Ezra groaned softly. "I am on the outside looking in. I feel I am no longer a part of all of this. There is a puzzle on the table in front of me, and there are too many pieces missing for me to understand the picture. Please. Help me."

Looks passed between the team, with all eyes eventually settling on Vin, who in turn looked to Chris. Both men nodded to each other, and the tension in the room began to dissolve.

"OK, couple of conditions first." Chris looked down to make sure he had Ezra's full attention. "You start feeling tired, or overwhelmed, you have to let us know. You don't have to do this in one sitting. Or even in one day." Ezra nodded.

"Second, you gotta try to hold your temper. Don't give me that innocent look Ezra. You can go volcanic with the best of us when you get pissed, and I'm betting you are going to be pissed at us before this is over. You have to give yourself time to process what we tell you. Give us time to explain things."

"That sounds ominous. I shall endeavour to control my responses."

"Guess that'll have to do. Third, let us get this mess here cleaned up. We can go sit in the living room, or your room."

"Stalling?"

"No. This is going to be a bit of a session Ezra. Might as well try to be comfortable."

Twenty minutes later they were settled in. Ezra remained in the wheelchair. As much as he hated the contraption, he wanted to be able to move if he felt the need. He knew he couldn't bolt out of the room, but at least he wasn't trapped in a seat to soft for him to have any control. Josiah was seated at the edge of the large rocker, tilting it forward and not making use of its soothing motion. Nathan set himself near the wheelchair. He didn't think Ezra would need any medical attention throughout this, but better safe than sorry. Buck and JD took over the sofa, with the bigger man sprawled out trying to look relaxed. The constant tapping of his foot on the floor shattered the illusion. JD curled in the opposite corner, feeling responsible for all of this and not quite knowing why.

That left two guilty looking men taking up their positions. Vin had pushed a small armchair into a far corner spot. The only way he could be further away from Ezra would have been to have left the room. Chris was closer, straddling a straight-back chair he'd grabbed from the kitchen. It was turned so he could rest his arms on the back, and he now did, facing his inquisitor.

"Where do you want to start Ezra?"

He turned to Josiah. "You quit?"

"There were what you might call extenuating circumstances."

"So in other words, you quit."

"Yes. I'm sorry. I couldn't accept what had happened. What was happening. It was just too much for me to cope with. When the Agency denied us the option of leave to take care of you, of each other, I simply didn't want to be there anymore."

Ezra looked over to Chris, who simply nodded.

"Why," he then asked, "would you need to take leave? I appreciate that I am a tad bewildered right now, but I am quite certain when I awoke I was in a facility designed to see to my every need. There was no motivation for you – any of you, to take any kind of sabbatical. Certainly no reason to walk away." His voice was going up. Nathan shifted in his seat and Ezra took the cue and calmed himself, leaning back again in his chair.

"Not the same as having your friends there. But I must confess my noble intentions failed to see the light of day. I chose to wallow in doubt and pity and remorse rather than stand by you and the others. I retreated, on the pretense of trying to find meaning to all of this. Truth was I simply could not accept, and couldn't be around people who did. It was too painful, and I ran." He looked at the others. "It isn't just Ezra I owe an apology to."

"Don't owe us anything Josiah." Buck spoke. "None of us dealt with this the way we should. Only important thing is that we are here now – all of us."

"No, that is not the only important thing." Ezra disagreed. "I don't even need to hear the tales the remainder of you will tell – although I fully intend to. I may be out of practice, but I can read you all like a paperback novel. This team fell apart. You allowed yourselves to fall apart over me! Of all the asinine, ill-advised, irresponsible, jack-ass, ludicrous, bone-head…" he stalled, running out of breath and insults. He took several deep calming breaths, which did little to actually settle him. "Do you not understand that this team is worth so much more than that?"

"Do you not get that we weren't a team anymore without you in it?"

"Flattering, but false. I will not try to dissuade you of your belief in my worthiness, regardless of my own views on my insignificance to the team. That is a discussion for another day." Chris tried to interrupt again but Ezra plowed ahead. "This team functioned before I joined, and it should have continued in my absence. Now – Buck. Drinking? I assume from the reference Chris let slip it was more than the occasional sampling of draft."

Buck tried to sink lower in his spot, at the same time scowling at JD for starting all of this. "Well, maybe a few more than usual." Ezra tilted his head and favoured the man with the same look he gave to a poker player making an obvious bluff.

"Damn it Ezra – I felt like drinking. Yeah, you're right. We were falling apart. Shouldn't have happened, but it did. Nobody to blame, or maybe everybody. But we weren't us. And in the middle of all of that I'm supposed to be finding a way to keep everybody happy. To make sure we keep laughing? How the hell was I supposed to do that. Sure couldn't do it sober. Not that I did any better drunk."

"Keep everybody happy?" Ezra barely whispered. His face had gone pale, but Buck was on a roll now and hadn't noticed. He kept going, looking at his teammates as he spoke.

"Yeah – happy. I'm supposed to keep them happy. And you tell the kid to stay optimistic in all of this. Nathan's supposed to keep up all on the straight and narrow. Ya already heard how Josiah did about keeping the faith, and guess you can figure that Chris didn't excel at keeping us together. Kind of hard to do when we were all self-destructing." He finally turned back to Ezra. "So I guess we didn't – Shit, Ezra. You OK?" They all turned and saw how still the man had become.

"You read the letters?" He slowly turned to Vin. "You gave them the letters?"

"Thought it might help everybody cope a bit better. Clearly not one of my best ideas."

"Cope? You gave them the letters? Oh dear Lord. Of course. I am an idiot. I – you all – the coma. It was – I was…"

JD had leapt to his feet and brought Ezra a glass of water, holding it for his as he squatted beside the chair. "Easy Ezra. Breath slow." He rubbed gently on his friend's neck. "Here, sip slow. Take your time." Nathan watched with concern, but at the same time smiling slightly at how perfectly JD was handling this. At the moment, he may have been the only one of the group Ezra wasn't angry with, and that made him the perfect calming influence. Eventually, the stunned look faded from Ezra's face as he tentatively took a few sips.

"I was dead. At least, brain dead?"

"Deep coma Ezra. I can give you all the technical talk, but yeah, you were gone to us. We were told you weren't coming back." Ezra looked to Nathan clearly asking for more detail.

"You were shot 4 times in the chest." Ezra's hand reflexively sought out the scars. "Two damaged the lungs, one hit your heart. You tell me to stop if this is too much information." Ezra shook his head, his eyes telling Nathan to go on. "Your heart stopped three times all together. Obviously, they brought you back, but you went quite a while without proper oxygen." He paused for a moment. "Had a small stroke while in surgery." Ezra's grip on the arms of the wheelchair tightened, but he said nothing.

"They told us all of this. Told us not to expect a miracle. You went into coma and became unresponsive."

Ezra held up his hand and Nathan stopped speaking. "Give me a moment please." Ezra whispered.

"Want us to leave you?"

"Dear God no. Please."

JD took the frightened man's hand. "I'm not going anywhere. None of us are."

For several minutes the only sounds in the room was the anxious breathing of the seven inhabitants.

"Vin?"

"Yes Ezra?"

"You gave them the letters?"

"Yup"

"So you read yours – the one with all the instructions I mean."

"Uh-huh."

"That's why I was in the long-term care home. You were following my request."

Vin nodded.

"Chris – _exactly_ how long was I in a coma?" There was no answer. "Buck? JD? Is anyone going to answer that for me, or must I find a calendar somewhere."

"Six months."

"To the day Nathan?" He nodded the reply.

"Vin? Please Vin. Look at me."

The sharpshooter couldn't raise his head. He could not bring himself to look his friend in the eyes. To admit to him that he had, in fact, pulled the plug on him. Executed him.

"Vin – Please." There was no movement. Ezra tried to propel his chair across the room, but lack of strength and emotional exhaustion overwhelmed him. JD stood and moved behind him, gliding the chair over. Ezra reached out a trembling hand and place it on Vin's shoulder.

"I – I am so sorry. I never should have put you in that position." Vin looked up, stunned, to see tears streaming down Ezra's face. "I – I am deeply sorry."

"Ezra – how can you even look at me?"

"You're right, I shouldn't. I haven't that right. But never before in my life have I had anyone who would make such a sacrifice for me. Never did I dare to dream that anyone would care enough to honour my wishes in such a profound way."

"Ezra – I ended your life."

"Really? I would have sworn I was here with you now."

Vin stared, eyes moist. "You know damn well what I mean. My God. I pulled the plug on you Ezra."

"As I was so cruel as to ask you to do. I didn't ever imagine you would be put into such a horrific position. That I would put all of you through this." He looked around at the others with regret, then back to Vin. "Don't misunderstand me Vin. We will still be having a talk, because I feel that may be the only of my wishes you respected, despite my directive to put your own concerns before mine. But now, all I can ask is that you can please, find a way to forgive me for doing that to you."

Vin smiled and leaned in to embrace his friend. "Not a damn thing to forgive Pard. And don't ever make me do that again."

Ezra tried to argue that he didn't need a rest, but his inability to hold his head upright while pleading his case defeated his goal. He reluctantly allowed Buck to settle him back into his room, assuring the others this discussion was not over. He reiterated his concerns as Buck settled him onto the bed, and by the time the blankets were pulled over him, he was sound asleep. Buck rested his hand softly on the slumbering man's head.

"Don't fret about it Ez. We heard you – more than you think. And we're not done with you either. Not a significant part of this team my ass. Damn fool." He smiled at the sleeping man as he quietly left the room.

 **TBC**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	12. Chapter 12

**_SIX WEEKS IN THE_** ** _LIFE_** ** _OF…_**

 **Next Day**

Ezra let his chair glide to a stop beside the youngest member of the team."

"You're getting pretty good with that chair Ezra. You'll be racing soon."

"I intend to be out of it before long that scenario could come to pass my young friend. So, tell me – what details of the last 6 months have you to share with me?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Well, for one thing, have you and the lovely Casey set a date?"

"Set a date? What's he talking about JD? Did you propose?" Buck stared at his partner.

"Did who propose? Buck, close your mouth, you're starting to drool." Vin threw a napkin at him as he walked into the room, ducking when it was tossed back.

"It seems JD here has proposed to Casey, and it sounds like she was fool enough to say yes."

"That's great Kid. When did all this happen?"

JD looked a little embarrassed. "Well, it was actually Valentine's Day."

"Wait a sec. You proposed two months ago, and you're just now getting around to telling us?"

"I was gonna tell the rest of you when I got to work the next day, but you were in a bad mood Chris. Something about paperwork that didn't get done right. And then Buck was ranting about having to do it all over, and Josiah spilled coffee on himself and he was pissed. Then Nathan started complaining about wedding planning stuff and – well it just didn't seem like a good time. I couldn't seem to find the right time, and then it started getting closer to – well to the six months, and then it sure didn't feel right so Casey and I decided to keep it quiet until after things settled. Maybe after Nathan and Raine get hitched."

"That's right Nathan – I should be extending my congratulations to you as well. I fully expect to have a dance with your bride on the date – seeing as how it will be my birthday."

"I'm sure Raine will expect the same." Nathan grinned, then paused. "Who told you about the date?"

"Hang on." Chris turned to JD. "You said tell the rest of us. You told Ezra. On Valentines' Day."

"Well no, I proposed on Valentine's Day. Told him the next morning, on the way to work."

"And you mentioned it again…?"

JD's face froze in astonishment. "I didn't. Haven't mentioned it to anyone else. Ezra? How?"

"You told me, just like Nathan told us of his date."

"Ezra, you were in coma when I told the team we'd picked a date. And when JD must have shared his news."

"Not possible. I remember it clearly. JD was exuberant about my predication being accurate. As for you, Nathan; you've discussed wedding plans any number of times with the others, as well as countless phone calls on the matter. Gentlemen, will you please refrain from regarding me as if I had grown a second head?"

"He told you on Valentine's Day. Ezra, you were in a deep coma. And when I was on the phone with Raine? You shouldn't know any of that. What else do you remember?"

"Nathan, please stop looking at me as if I was a lab experiment." He sat quietly for a moment, trying to dredge up memories, but no specifics came to mind immediately. "I remember voices, but not words. I remember football games? I have the sensation of dreadful Christmas Carols, but surely you would not have subjected me to something called "Grandma got run-over by a reindeer" so that must have been an hallucination."

Buck and JD tried to play innocent, and Ezra merely groaned.

Vin saved them any retribution. "Do you remember Maude visiting?"

"Mother was here? Astonishing! I would not have imagined she would feel the need to show up for such an unprofitable escapade. There was actually maternal concern. Will wonders never cease?" He saw the look that passed between Vin and Chris and his spirit fell for just a moment before regaining the poker face. "Ah – I have presumed too much. She came with the expectation of what – ensuring my estate was not diminished by extravagant care? Yes, that would be far more in her nature. I imagine she was less than pleased with the situation."

"She settled some when she found out the cost was being covered – in the line of duty after all."

"Really? I should like to see the paperwork you completed to make that claim work Chris. It appears I have been a negative influence on you after all." Chris merely shrugged.

"Still, I am surprised she didn't try to make life difficult. Was she made aware of the nature of my will?"

"I had the satisfaction of sharing that with her. Along with the news that any effort she made to challenge it would be as futile as her threats to remove Vin from his position."

"She threatened what?"

"Relax Ezra. She kind of misunderstood the situation. Not surprising under the circumstances of her arrival."

Vin glared at Chris. "He doesn't need the details."

"I do now. Vin? Fine, Chris – share."

"Vin was helping out with your physiotherapy at the time. Doctor had told us blood circulation was important to keep you comfortable – avoid cramps and the like. So, the physio taught Vin how to give you a massage. A full massage.'

"Oh Lord."

"Yeah, she walked in on the session."

"You gentlemen do know I would trade my Jag to see a photograph of her face at that moment."

"That ain't the best part."

"Buck" Vin growled, but was ignored.

"She accused him of seducing you away to get your power of attorney."

"Yeah" JD added. "She thought the two of you got married."

"Thank you so much Chris, for sharing the story with everyone."

Ezra desperately wished he had the strength to laugh. "I assume she was properly offended by the entire situation. Apoplectic one would hope."

Vin finally grinned. "Turned shades of red and purple I have never seen on a human being before. Got to admit Ezra, telling her off may have been the highlight of this whole sorry mess. It felt real good to give her a piece of my mind."

Ezra chuckled for a moment, then quieted. "She didn't make things harder for you – she didn't fight this did she?"

"With the lawyer you used, and the Judge as a witness? Maude knows when to back down. Didn't show her face again." Vin cursed himself for the offhanded way he'd said that. "I'm sorry Ezra – I didn't mean it like that."

"No, it was fair. Clearly she had no reason to return to my side. Tell me, has she been informed that I am still among the living."

"Yeah – JD tracked her down. She wouldn't take calls from us, but we have left messages and when we can be sure where she's gonna be the Judge is using some of his Interpol connections to make sure she gets the word."

"It is hardly necessary for such measures. I deeply suspect it will not be of any concern to her."

"She should be told. How she responds, how you do, that's not up to us. But I told her I'd keep her informed, and I'll do that."

"You told her that to keep her away."

"It worked. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize Chris. You made it easier on Vin, and that's what matters."

"Not apologizing Ezra. I'm just sorry you have to deal with that – with her. You deserve a better family."

Ezra smiled and glanced around the room. "I have one."

"So what else do you remember from the time you were out of it?" JD found the idea fascinating.

"I cannot say for certain. No specific incidents or situations come to mind, more a sensation of people coming and going. I can state with confidence I have no recollection of feeling afraid or alone at any point."

"Well that's good to know."

"Yes, but it does raise a concern." He looked to Vin. "I believe I had instructed you to go on with your life. To ensure what happened to me did not take over your existence."

"I was fine Ezra." He scowled at the others as they huffed and snorted their disagreement.

"You were most assuredly not. Even in my state I was aware of your almost constant presence."

"I wasn't alone in staying with you Ezra. I swear the others were there too."

"I never intended to imply otherwise, or to disparage their sacrifice and contributions in my recovery. What I am stating is that you were there far more than was requested or required."

"Not true Ez. I was just doing what I had too, no more."

"Fine. I shall not offend you my proclaiming my complete and abject disbelief of that statement."

"Vin, that is probably the fanciest way you have ever been called a liar." Josiah grinned.

"So tell me Vin…what have you been doing in my temporary absence? I have heard of the escapades of most of the others, and I have no doubt the tales from Buck will prove entertaining as soon as I am deemed healthy enough to hear them."

"Oh – you know Ezra. Just doin' the usual kind of things. Work and stuff."

"Now, now Vin. There must have been more than that. Chris tells me you took a fair bit of time off works, so surely something else must have been occupying your waking hours. Travel? A new hobby? Perhaps there is a lady in your life now – might there be yet another wedding in the offing?"

"Nothing like that. Just stuff. If I'd known you'd be so interested I would have kept a diary." He looked to the others for support, but they were far too busy relishing his discomfort.

"I would have enjoyed reading such a document. I have always been an avid fan of well written fiction."

"Ezra –"

"Why Vin? Why would you feel it necessary to camp out by my side for 6 miserable months? Surely you didn't doubt the care I was receiving. You would not have place me in an institution whose standards did not meet your criterion. Realistically you did not expect me to awaken, so concerns over my being alone does not provide an explanation. Even if that had been the case, there were many others who, for reasons I will always be grateful for, even though I fail to understand, would have sat by my side. And there was no reason for you to feel any guilt or responsibility for my condition, so the famous Tanner angst, almost equal to the Larabee standard, was not in play." He paused, noticing an uncomfortable shift in Vin's posture.

"Vin? Mr. Tanner!?" You could have heard a pin drop in the room. When Ezra resorted to 'Mister' in that tone, an outburst was ahead.

"You shouldn't have been alone."

"I beg your pardon?"

"That morning – when it happened. You shouldn't have been alone. If you'd had back-up…" he let the sentence fade off.

"I did not require back-up for a Saturday morning drive. It was a simple outing to the store. Or are you implying that perhaps I am incapable of handling even the most basic of outings on my own? While I acknowledge I do seem to attract my fair share of unfortunate incidents-"

"More than your share" Buck interjected.

"…that is no reason to feel the need to wrap me in safety blankets or shadow my every step."

"That's not what I meant Ezra. Hell, there's nobody I trust more at my back than you, all of you. And I've seen you undercover. Nobody handles anything, especially the unexpected better."

Ezra remained silent, but arched his eyebrow to restate the question.

"You asked me to drive to Chris's with you. More than once. It was like you knew something was gonna happen."

Ezra stared at him slack-jawed. For several seconds the only sound was the suddenly very loud ticking of a wall clock. Then, the explosion.

"Are you completely out of your mind? You believe, on top of all of my other vast and unique gifts, I can now claim psychic precognition as a part of my repertoire? I knew something was going to happen? For God's sake Vin, I just wanted some company. We'd had a couple of tough cases, the second of which I was on my own for the majority of the time. I just thought it would be nice to drive out there with company."

"Well, that's just a bad. You needed a friend and I was too busy – too selfish."

"Mr. Tanner." Shit – he was really pissed. "I do not need you to hold my hand. If I had NEEDED company, I would have made that abundantly transparent. I merely thought some conversation would be nice. Apparently, I was excessively insistent on that theme, and you took such persistence on my part to indicate you and you alone were answerable for the status of my emotional security. Well I hate to disabuse you of your opinion of your self-worth, but I do not need you or anyone else to hold my hand!"

He collapsed back into his chair, drained in every sense. His heavy breathing brought concerned looks from all of the others, but each was now reluctant to make a move toward him. He closed his eyes, mortified at the tirade he had so ardently articulated. These men, all of them, had sacrificed for him and suffered because of him for months on end, and continued to do so. He had now repaid them by telling them they weren't needed. Vin had given up almost everything to be there, and he had been victim to the worst of Ezra's wrath. He forced himself to look at them again, and wanted nothing more to crawl into a deep hole at the hurt on their faces.

"I do not," he repeated much more quietly, "NEED any of you to hold my hand, take care of me, or even call me friend. But I do very much WANT you all to do just that. Why you would want to do so in return remains one of the great mysteries in my life." He drew on the last energy he had to turn the wheelchair toward the door and start his slow departure. His path was quickly blocked by Chris, who had knocked his own chair over in his haste to intercept the weakened man. He squatted down in front of the chair.

"Ezra – look at me. Damn it Standish, after a rant like that you owe me eye contact. That's better." He glared for a moment, making certain he had the man's full attention. "Not one of us did anything we weren't 100% willing to do over the last 6 months. Would have given anything not to have to be there, cause the only way we didn't have to be there would have been if you weren't. I don't care what you want to call it – want, need – doesn't matter. We were there for you, and each other. Just like you would have been for any of us. Wasn't easy. Important things rarely are. There were moments when it looked like things were falling apart, but we got through them, 'cause it would have been a damn site harder to not be there. Being there is what family does. Always. Got it?"

Ezra took a few seconds to get himself under control, then slowly allowed a grin to cross his face. "Got it Chris." He lowered his head slightly. "Would it seem incredibly hypocritical after my rant for me to request some assistance in returning to my room?" Nathan smiled and stood, but JD beat him to the back of the chair. "High speed or a leisurely stroll Ezra?" the young man asked with unbridled enthusiasm.

"Leisurely, please my friend. I have seen your driving."

"If you're feeling up to it a bit later we should all go outside for a bit. Chaucer's getting harder for me to handle now that he knows you're home."

"That would be an excellent excursion."

"Ezra?" Vin had stepped next to the chair and walked slowly keeping pace. "We OK?"

"No Vin, we are not OK." Vin's heart dropped. "We are so much better than OK I do not believe a word exists to properly express the significance of our kinship." Ezra reached up and grasped his friends arm. "Are you OK with that?"

"Absolutely. You get some rest – I'll take you out to see Chaucer in a while."

- **TBC**

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_


	13. Chapter 13

**_SIX WEEKS IN THE_** ** _LIFE_** ** _OF…_**

3 weeks later

"I will say this one more time. If you are going to go outside, you are going to use the walker. Hell, you should be still using the chair, but you are entirely to stubborn for your own good."

"And I am telling you Mr. Carlin. I do not need either the walker or the chair to simply step out to the patio."

"You need them to go anywhere. 18 days of physiotherapy is not enough to get you back into shape. I should know, seeing as how I am your therapist. Well, your physiotherapist at least. God knows I'd hate the job of being any other kind of therapist to a man as obstinate as you are."

"I do not require any other kind of therapist, thank you kindly, and take umbrage at the suggestion. As for my mobility, I will concede I am not yet ready for a marathon of any kind-"

"You're not ready for a sprint. You're not ready for a stroll." He sighed. "Look. I understand you want to be done with this. Done with me. And I will not deny you are making amazing progress. So why do you want to risk falling and setting all the work back?"

"Because I abhor restrictions. I cannot abide being told I can't do something. I grant you it is a character flaw, but as it is the only one I have, I cherish it."

"Only one you have? Really?" The young man finally smiled at his impatient patient. "You must have an interesting definition of character flaw if that's the only one that fits."

"Ah my young friend, I have interesting definitions of many things when the circumstances demand it." As Ezra reached reluctantly for the walker that he had pushed away from his bed moments earlier, he allowed an apologetic look to cross his face. "I really do not set out to make your day more difficult Mr. Carson. I do appreciate the efforts you are making in my recovery, and the enormous assistance you have provided me to date. I have no doubt I would be much worse off without your healing touch."

"I keep telling you, name is Tony. And I can't take too much of the credit. You are the most determined patient I've ever had. Plus a lot of thanks goes to your friends who kept up the muscle exercises and blood flow massage therapies while you were laid up. Made life easier for both of us to have that kind of head start." He helped Ezra straighten a bit as he pulled himself to his feet, trying not to lean too much on the walker. "You keep working the way you are, and keep using this 'contraption' so you don't fall, and I'd bet a couple more weeks will see you able to set it aside, at least for short outings. Come on. Let's join your friends out back."

"A smaller group than usual today. Most have returned to work." Ezra sounded wistful as he said it.

"Guess you're looking forward to doing the same."

"I am eagerly anticipating, nay yearning for a resumption of usefulness. I appreciate the diversion of my literary pursuits and my card playing, and even my rehabilitative callisthenics, but I profoundly miss the challenge of my vocation. I fear my mind is atrophying more than these muscles ever did."

Tony looked at him, shaking his head. "How anyone could spout of that many showy words and still worry about his mind is beyond my understanding. But, if you're saying you need the stimulation of work, why not tell the others."

"Tell the others what?" Buck had come up behind them much quieter than usual, and the suddenness of his appearance almost took Ezra off his game.

"Tell the others that I am tired of relying on assistance devices to manoeuvre through the day." He looked to Tony, his eyes asking the young man to go along with the deception.

"Like we couldn't see that on our own. You complain about it every time you have to move anywhere. What about it Tony – how much longer do we have to listen to him grumble about it all."

"I do not grumble."

"Hoping he'll keep this pace up and be more mobile in a couple of weeks. I trust you guys are making sure he doesn't over do things when I'm not around."

"Watching him like a hawk."

"Like a mother hen would be more accurate. You seem to ignore that fact I am an adult, and capable of my own care."

"Course you are Ezra. Now, would you like some milk and cookies before your afternoon nap." Buck jogged out of reach. Ezra merely added this latest affront to the long list of offenses he had been tortured with by his friends. When the day came he would be at last able to act on his plans, revenge was truly going to be sweet.

 _One week later_

"Might have known I'd find you out here."

"Relax Chris. JD helped me out, and if you check at the end of the barn you will see him still lingering in the far stall, trying to look inconspicuous, and failing."

JD poked his head out from an otherwise empty stall. "What, I'm just cleaning things up."

"Be more convincing if you had a broom in your hand. Go back in JD, I got our friend covered." JD sheepishly left his post. "And yes, I know Ezra, you don't need a keeper."

"No, but friends are always welcome. Chaucer is looking quite well Chris."

"JD looked after him like he was his own. The beast missed you though. Night I came home after you woke up, I came out here. He knew. He was restless and moving around, disturbing all the others. But not upset. Looked like he was busting with – I don't know – joy. Swear to God Ezra. He knew."

"I don't doubt it. We seem to have a connection. More than I am able to make with most people. Just another way I am more fortunate than I deserve."

"Wish you wouldn't do that. Putting yourself down that way. Why can't you get that you deserve good stuff?"

"I'm sorry Chris. I suppose one can attribute it to years of conditioning. Believe it or not, it used to be worse. Oh yes, there were times in my much younger days, when I deemed my worth to be so insignificant as to determine my departure from this life would not be noticed, let alone missed." Chris went cold inside at the connotations of the simple statement. "Fear not. I never tried to test the theory then, and no longer believe it to be true now." He smiled as he could see the tension lessen. "And I would appreciate it if you remove the murderous intentions you now harbour toward my mother from your thoughts. Doesn't take a mind-reader Chris. It's evident on your face."

"Can't say that she doesn't deserve it. She has a lot to answer for."

"Would be a waste of your time. She is who she is. I have often wondered what made her that way. Wondered how she might have turned out had she been as fortunate as I in finding the right friends along the way."

Christ grunted. "Well now you got me feeling sorry for the woman now. Never thought that could happen."

"All a matter of perspective I suppose."

"Come on Ezra. Let's head in. We have company coming." Ezra tilted his head in question as he pulled himself to his feet, leaning on the walker. "Nope – you have to wait to find out."

A few hours later they were lounging comfortably in the rec room. Vin and Buck had been involved in a more or less friendly pool game for a while, the lead going back and forth which each turn. JD sat by, cheering Buck on, while Nathan acted as Vin's rooting section. Josiah and Chris stayed neutral, and Ezra was having a bit too much trouble staying awake to take part. The sound of a car in the drive spurred Chris out of his seat, and a few moments later he escorted the new arrivals into the room.

"Ezra, I'd like to you to meet Stephen Daniels. And I doubt you'll remember her, but this is Patricia Daniels. You two have met before."

As he looked up at the woman he had a faint sensation of familiarity, but could not immediately place her. He tried to stand, but she moved forward quickly, laying a hand on his arm.

"Please, no. Don't tire yourself. No need for that." She held firm as he tried with no success to disregard her request. Her proximity gave him the opportunity to see her more closely, and his mind flashed back to that day months ago.

"Dear Lord. You, you were there."

"Yes, I was there. And I selfishly thank God that you were there too. You saved my life Mr. Standish. I have waited so long to be able to thank you for that. I was so afraid I would never have that chance, and now, I just… I can't begin…". She bit her lip, trying to reign back the emotions that suddenly overwhelmed her.

"Now, now my dear, please don't. There is no need for this. I am ever so grateful I was able to be of assistance."

"Assistance? You saved my life. More than my life." She turned to her husband and for the first time Ezra registered the infant the man was holding. She smiled as she took the bundle and sat again beside Ezra's chair.

"I would like for you to meet Jacob Ezra Daniels." She placed the baby in Ezra's arms. "You saved his life that day too. There will never be a way we can thank you for that."

If he'd had the presence of mind to look at his teammates, he would have seen 6 beaming smiles as they delighted in his reaction. Instead, all he could focus on was the tiny face that stared up at him when he gently nudged the blanket away. He stared back, for once in his life left speechless by the simple miracle that now rested on him.

"He was born the day you woke up. I think that was some kind of sign. Full circle of life." Ezra merely nodded, still mesmerized by the beautiful blue eyes staring back at him. "I hope you're OK with the names we chose Mr. Standish. Vin said Jacob was your father's name and we thought…"

"The names are wonderful. He is truly amazing. He is so – perfect." A soft chuckle from behind was recognized as coming from Buck, and Ezra chose to ignore it and the reaction he knew he was eliciting from the others. This delicate life was the only thing worthy of his attention at this point. A soft cooing and tiny burp served as the catalyst to tip his emotions over the edge, and he stopped fighting the tears that had come to his eyes.

"I cannot tell you how touched I am that you have honoured me like this."

Patricia stood up as her husband stepped forward. "Mr. Standish, it is completely the least we could be doing. I can't tell you how grateful, how indebted I am to you. I don't think I could have survived losing my wife and son, and thanks to you I'll never have to know."

The words struck Ezra, and he pulled himself out of the moment enough to look over to Chris. He smiled and nodded slightly, acknowledging Ezra's thoughts, while thinking to himself he was grateful another man had been spared the suffering he'd felt all those years ago.

"I do believe, under the circumstances, that you both might consider calling me Ezra."

"We were told you tended to be a rather 'proper' individual when it came to things like that."

"As I said, these are rather particular circumstances Mrs. Daniels." She laughed. "My apologies – Patricia, Stephen. Please, can you sit and join us for a while?"

"If we aren't intruding."

"Course not." JD leapt to his feet. "What can I get you folks?"

A few minutes later the conversation was flowing smoothly as the proud parents watched their son slumber in the arms of his doting guardian angel. A short time later Patricia stood and quietly lifted him out of the arms of the apparently sleeping man.

"We should be going. I didn't intend to tire him out so much."

"Don't worry – he did that to himself." Vin assured her. "Never knows when to stop."

"We're keeping a close watch on him." Josiah added in response to her look of concern.

"Yes," confirmed a tired voice from the chair, "they are watching me with the same intensity you no doubt focus on that young man. I do hope you will bring him by to visit again when I am feeling a little more alert."

"We could love to do that. You let us know when you're feeling stronger and we'll be here."

"If I may ask one more thing of you…?" The young mother nodded. "If at any time, for any reason, young Jacob needs anything… what I mean is if I can be off any assistance, in any way..." She smiled, guessing from his flustered look, and the affectionate amusement on the faces of his friends, that Ezra was rarely so lost for words.

"It isn't like you haven't already given us all we could ever ask of you, but I understand what you mean. We'd be thrilled to have you continue to be a part of Jacob's life." She looked up. "All of you. Stephen and I are both only children, so Jacob doesn't have any extended family."

"Sure he does." Buck grinned. "Seven uncles."

"No," Stephen corrected. "Six uncles...and one godfather?" He looked to Ezra, turning it from a statement to a question. Unable to speak past the lump in his throat, he merely nodded, once again trying to fight back the tears he could feel forming.

Patricia leaned down and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "We'll be back – promise."

Nathan saw them out as the others found excuses to wander off, leaving Ezra alone for a moment to regroup. Chris was stopped by the hand on his arm, and he looked down at his friend. No words passed, but volumes were spoken in the simple look that passed between them. Vin came back to the room a few minutes later, and gently covered the sleeping man with a quilt. "Sleep tight Pard, sweet dreams," he whispered, as he dimmed the light.

 _M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7- M7_

 _The End - for the moment_

 _Notes: Thank you all once again for your wonderful, and I believe, overly generous words of support and approval. Not that my Ego hasn't appreciated them! There will likely be more to come in Ezra's recovery down the line, maybe dealing with when he is ready to go back to work. But for the moment the inspirational muses have gone full circle on this one and now moved to other stories._

 _On that note - can anyone tell me if Nettie was widowed or a "spinster" (boy I hate that term!) on the series? Almost ready with an old west adventure, but need to do some fine point detail work._


End file.
